The Summer With Matthew
by Sandylee007
Summary: When Reid and Morgan's relationship is about to take a step towards a more serious direction Reid decides that the time has come for Morgan to meet someone very special – Reid's autistic son. How will Morgan take the news? Will their relationship survive through the changes? SLASH MorganxReid
1. The Crash

A/N: Another winner of my still open poll! (grins)

This one's ALMOST seen daylight a million times, ya know? But until now it always lost the poll with one of two votes. Now it's FINALLY time! (smirks)

WARNINGS: SLASH, language, some adult themes (but as you can see from the rating nothing too graphic)… Ya know, for one of my stories that's a rather short list! I'm not growing soft, am I? (frowns with worry)

DISLACIMER: Why, oh WHY, are you forcing me to type these words again and again? (cries openly) I still don't own a damn thing. Dot. Now excuse me as I go and bawl my eyes out…

Awkay… (shivers) This is always nerve wrecking for me, so let's get to it. I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy this one!

* * *

**_The Summer with Matthew_**

* * *

The Crash

* * *

_June 7th, 2013_

* * *

Everything was so very loud that Derek Morgan groaned, squeezing his eyes as tightly shut as he possibly could. Voices talking, clattering… What the hell was going on? He just wanted to sleep, damnit!

"Sir!" That male voice… Was it talking to him? Who…? "Sir, I need you to open your eyes. Look at me."

Derek sure as hell wanted to see who'd sneaked into his bedroom in the middle of the night. That's why he forced his eyelids to inch ever so slightly although it made him feel like someone had plunged a knife through his skull. He shuddered and hissed, almost closing his eyes in an instant. Where did that storm of pain come from to his head and eyes?

Whatever he expected to find, it most definitely wasn't a medic of his age with shortcut, unruly dark hair and blue eyes staring back at him. There was a grim look on the man's face. "Sir, Derek, stay awake. You hit your head quite badly. We'll be taking you and your friend to a hospital as soon as we've made sure that his condition is stable."

Derek's eyes widened at that, defying the massive wave of pain such a dramatic gesture caused. If he hadn't been laying down he would've most definitely fallen. His head felt like it'd been swelling and about to explode.

A… friend? What…?

And then he remembered.

He and Dr. Spencer Reid had left work together, just like they did almost every day. They didn't exactly have to hide the true nature of their relationship any longer. They'd been a couple for almost two years under the eyes of extremely skilled profilers – of course their team had found out. None of them had seemed surprised when the truth came out. Although Derek still wished that it'd been under different circumstances. It'd happened with him giving Spencer a jealous, extremely drunken kiss during David Rossi's Christmas party after seeing a tender moment between the genius and Jennifer Jareau. To his credit, he had the decency to apologize to both of them when he'd finally sobered up.

Derek frowned upon noticing how difficult it was to keep his head on track. Did… that guy just say that he hit his head? What had he been trying to focus on before his thoughts strayed…?

The medic's expression was that of worry. He felt a very unwanted hand on his shoulder that snapped his head right back into focus. "Derek, you were involved in a car crash and you've got a concussion. You need to stay awake for a little while, alright?"

Derek's breathing turned slightly more rapid while panic began to take over. His eyes widened once more while more pieces slid to place. The puzzle was almost complete, now.

Spencer… He'd been in the car with Spencer. They'd been arguing over which one's apartment they should stay in for the night – it was the about hundreth time they fought over the matter. Derek came to the conclusion that there didn't have to be such arguments any longer. And that's why he finally made the question he'd been so damn afraid of.

* * *

/ "_Spence… What if we'd only have any place to stay in?_

_Spencer's mouth hung open for a moment as the man stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. At the moment it was easy to remember why he called the man his pretty boy. "Are you… asking me to move in with you?"_

_Derek never got the chance to reply. Because just then Spencer screamed, and he turned his head just in time to see a tree trunk that'd fallen directly to the road, blocking their path. With a yell he attempted to hit the breaks but never made it. There was a crash before everything turned black. _/

* * *

Derek began to hyperventilate without even noticing it. Tears of terror and crushing guilt filled his eyes. At the moment only the medic's stone hard hold kept him still.

Spencer…! What the hell happened to Spencer? Where was he? Was he alright?

/ _"We'll be taking you and your friend to a hospital as soon as we've made sure that his condition is stable."_ /

_NO! No, no, no…!_

All of a sudden there was movement. Apparently he lay on a stretcher because he was elevated and wheeled away. The medic looked directly at him, trying to give him a tiny smile. He probably should've been worried by the fact that he heard only bits and pieces of what the man said. "… hospital, now… alright… don't worry…"

Derek felt tears of frustration and pain on his cheeks. He would've spoken if his lips would've co-operated with him. His fingers squirmed restlessly.

Didn't that guy understand that he didn't want to go into a fucking hospital when Spencer was still missing? He needed to see Spencer! He needed Spencer!

But no one understood that. And soon he was already in the ambulance. Seeing his distress and clearly misunderstanding the cause the medic took something and injected it to him before he could do a thing to protest.

"… help with the pain…"

That was the last thing Derek heard before all became black once more.

All that fit into his aching head, however, was Spencer.

* * *

"That's it, Mr. Morgan. Open your eyes for me."

Derek frowned, not entirely sure if he was still dreaming. The female voice… Whose was it? Where the hell was he?

And then he recognized the sterile reek. That seemed to activate his memory. His heart began to race while his eyes flew open, so fast that he startled the nurse who'd been talking to him. "Spencer…", was all he managed.

The nurse, a young woman with lively green eyes and long black hair that'd been pulled to a ponytail, was a true beauty. She looked even prettier when she smiled. '_Susan_', her nametag revealed. "You got a concussion and a quite nasty bruise from the seatbelt but you'll be fine. Unless any complications occur we'll only keep you here overnight for observation. Your partner's concussion is slightly more severe. He also sustained a broken wrist and a blow to his stomach that worried us for a moment. There's no significant damage but we'd like to keep him here for a couple of days, just to make sure. You two are both very, very lucky." Perhaps it was the concussion talking or just pure relief, but Derek almost chuckled at Spencer being called lucky. If only the nurse knew… She nodded to the left. "I think he's just waking up."

Far more eagerly than his head approved of Derek looked towards the gestured direction. In a couple of seconds a smile found its way to his lips. A stone fell from his chest.

Spencer was sleeping right there, only a couple of steps away. It _hurt_ to see the bruises on the man's face and the injured wrist, but at least his pretty boy was there. Alive, only sleeping.

"I'm giving you two some time alone", Susan announced, then cast a pointed look towards him. "Take it easy, understood? No getting off the bed." With that warning she left the room. Obviously she didn't know Derek Morgan at all.

As soon as she was out of the picture Derek pushed his aching body up, wincing and hissing at the waves of headache and dizziness that came over him. As soon as he'd recovered a little bit he turned cautiously, throwing his legs out of the bed. He took a couple of deep breaths when the world spun violently.

_Get a grip, Derek_, he hissed mentally. _It's only a couple of steps._

He looked towards Spencer and needed no further coaxing. His legs were pitiably weak but eventually he reached his goal. He took Spencer's good hand and squeezed tightly, desperately.

Derek liked to think that Spencer felt him, because in a matter of seconds the man's eyelids fluttered. He winced when the younger man moaned in pain, his forehead wrinkling with obvious agony. He squeezed Spencer's hand just a little bit more tightly. "I know that it hurts, baby. But you need to open your eyes, okay? You've been sleeping long enough."

Spencer obeyed although the eyes opened only barely. At first the glassy look in them scared Derek but most of the haze disappeared after a couple of blinks. Spencer frowned again, licking his lips. The man's eyes examined him. "Are you… okay?"

Derek nodded with a smile. _Typical._ "Just banged my head. Don't worry about me, okay?"

Spencer's frown deepened. "You… don't look like… you're fine."

Derek snorted, rolling his eyes. His thumb rubbed soothing circles to the back of Spencer's hand. "How the hell am I supposed to be okay when you're laying there?"

Ignoring his words or perhaps not even hearing him, Spencer sank into his thoughts for a moment. Then the genius' eyes widened, filled with anxiety and guilt. "What… What time is it?"

Derek frowned, throughoutly confused. Why was Spencer so worried about the time all of a sudden? He glanced towards the clock on the room's wall. "It's… almost eight p.m. My guess is that it's a Saturday evening." They'd definitely slept for a while. He was glad that it was weekend and none of their friends had most likely been called. They would've just been startled.

The panic in Spencer's eyes grew. The man tried to get up but pain pushed him right back down. "I… I have to get my cell phone, Derek. Please. I need my cell phone. Mattie… He always calls at eight on Saturdays and Tuesdays. Please…"

Cold filled Derek's whole body while those words sank in and his mouth went completely dry. He let go of Spencer's hand without even noticing it. _NO_, he tried to tell himself. There was no way in hell Spencer could…! It took ages before he managed to gather enough air to force the words out. "Spencer… Who the hell is Mattie?"

Tears filled Spencer's eyes that were suddenly clouded with something beyond terror. The words that came were the last ones Derek had expected. "My… My son." The agent took a deep breath, like a drowning man, then tried again. "He's my son."

* * *

TBC, OR NOT?

* * *

A/N: Talking 'bout a shocker, huh? (sweatdrops) Hands up if you think that Morgan will take this well. (looks around) Uh… No one…?

Oh boy… It's scary to start a new fic. **PLEASE**, leave a review! Let me know if this is worth continuing at all. I want to know what you think before I dare to let myself fall in love with this 'lil thing. (gives puppy's eyes)

Whatever your thoughts are, thank you so much for a reading this far!

Take care!


	2. On Quaking Ground

A/N: My gosh! You gave the first chapter so much love. (BEAMS, and glomps) You guys are seriously amazing, ya know? I'm over the moon. So THANK YOU! (hugs again)

I'm seriously falling in love with this one, so I've got a pretty firm picture of what's incoming in my head. THIS, is what my head decided to shoot out for chapter two. (gulps)

I truly hope that you'll enjoy the ride!

* * *

On Quaking Ground

* * *

_June 7th, 2013_

* * *

Penelope Garcia had had a very, very lousy day. It ended with a really bad date from which she didn't have the ride home. Because of a broken heel she missed the last metro, and since there wasn't a cab in sight she was forced to walk home in pouring rain.

At home all she could think of was Kevin. Although she'd told herself to never think of him again she wondered if he was happy or if he'd had a bad day, too. Sleep kept avoiding her.

When Penelope was finally drifting off at two o'clock in the morning there was a knock on her apartment's door. She groaned, burying her face with her hands. If this was Kevin with a yet another pitiable apology she'd have to work hard not to kill him.

Another knock came. Penelope took a deep breath and counted to ten before she trusted herself enough to make her way to the door and open. It wasn't Kevin. Instead she found herself face to face with Derek Morgan. Her eyes widened when she took in his appearance. "What happened to you?" she sputtered.

Derek winced slightly, most likely suffering from a headache. "A little accident. I'm okay." The man swallowed laboriously. "Can I… come in?"

Penelope sighed, gesturing with her hand. "Sure." She closed the door as soon as he'd entered. "I love you to bits. But you'd better have a very good reason for coming over in the middle of the night."

"Spencer has a son."

It took a very, very long moment before Penelope even managed to begin processing those words. In the end there was only one thing she was able to utter. "What?" Surely this was just some kind of a joke?

But oh, it wasn't. Not with that dark expression on Derek's face. "He just told me, hours ago", the agent spat out like the words had been poison and pressed a tender hand to his temple. The headache was probably escalating. "Apparently his… _thing_ with Lila Archer got more serious than any of us thought." Derek gulped, appearing ready to vomit. "He slept with her before leaving the city. He left her his number, but… She never called him. Not before she was finally ready to tell him that he has a kid."

Penelope was glad that there was a chair nearby because her legs wouldn't have supported her properly anymore. "I can't believe this", she blurted out as soon as she'd slumped down.

"Yeah, I know the feeling." Derek folded his arms and looked away, his eyes appearing even darker than before. "He told me that he's only known for a year and a half. Lila called him a couple of months after we got together, told him that the paparazzi got a clue and they need help."

Penelope nodded slowly, still trying to process everything she was hearing. She couldn't. "Why didn't he tell us?"

Derek's eyes flashed dangerously, and for a moment she was worried that he might break something. "Lila begged him not to tell anyone. She wanted to keep Matthew a secret, so that he'd get to grow up safely away from publicity. The only way to enable that was to get the boy far away from her."

Penelope's eyes widened while a flash of anger crossed her. "She… abandoned her own son?" she gasped.

Derek nodded. "Yeah." He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "I can't believe that Spencer didn't trust me enough to tell me. I can't believe that he's kept something like this from me. I'm his boyfriend – his best friend! How could he hide something like this?"

Penelope sighed. Now _she_ was getting a headache. "Look… I'm not taking his side, okay? He shouldn't have hidden something this big from you. But… Maybe he has a reason. This is Reid we're talking about. He wouldn't hurt you without any purpose."

Derek frowned, the anger diminishing only slightly. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Spend the night here. Cool off. You won't be able to make decisions, let alone talk to him when you're like that." She sighed and yawned. "I'll make some coffee. It looks like neither one of us is going to do a lot of sleeping tonight."

* * *

The following morning Derek woke up to a horrendous, crushing headache and for a moment wondered if his skull had been smashed to pieces. Moaning and feeling rather sorry for himself he crawled out of the couch, ignoring the dizzy spells washing over him. Penelope was nowhere to be seen. Instead he found a pink, heart shaped note from the kitchen table.

'_Needed a walk. 'Be back in an hour or two. 'Hope you'll get things worked out – you two love each other. _

_Remember to rest. 'Luv you._'

Derek took a deep breath. Penelope and he had already been talking almost all night but somehow being alone didn't feel like a very pleasant idea. Trying to shake off the undeniable feeling of something being missing he marched to the refrigerator, noticing with dismay that his headache was escalating. There was no food in the house.

"Crap", he muttered, glaring at the refrigerator like his current, pitiable situation had been entirely its fault.

Picking up his cell phone Derek felt a sudden, overwhelming desire to call Spencer. To ask if the man was alright, to ask if… He didn't. Instead he ordered a pizza. He blinked twice when the doorbell rang only five minutes later, just when he was thinking of taking a quick shower. "That was fast", he muttered to himself.

As Derek opened the door, though, he didn't find a pizza delivery guy. Instead he found Spencer who looked unhealthily pale and was practically trembling where he stood. Feeling a smack of guilt Derek let the man in, not wanting to cause a scene in Penelope's apartment building. He didn't ask if Spencer was okay. He could see that the man wasn't from the paleness, casted wrist and bruises. "What are you doing here?" he uttered instead.

Spencer's eyes narrowed while the younger man's expression turned into such Derek had never, ever seen before. A mixture of terror, relief and sheer rage. "You ran out of the hospital with a concussion and wouldn't answer my calls all night! You… You just disappeared! And I… I thought you…" Were those… tears shimmering in the genius' eyes? Spencer's whole body was shaking uncontrollably. "Derek, I thought that I'd never see you again."

Derek shrugged, unable to let go of the hurt although the look on his boyfriend's face was killing him. "I left you a note."

A couple of tears leaked from Spencer's eyes as the pain got too much to control. The genius nodded stiffly, a dangerous flash crossing his eyes. "Yeah. I got your damn note", the younger man hissed. "I got my dad's and Gideon's, too."

Derek lifted both of his hands and shook his head vehemently, his eyes narrowing. "Oh no, hell no. I'm not going to let you play the victim here." He shook his head again, running a hand down his scalp. "You… You have a _son_. How the hell could you hide something like that from me?"

More tears came while the trembling intensified. Almost like Spencer had been falling apart right there and then. "I… asked you, if you ever wanted to have children, once. Remember? You said that you'd never, ever be able to imagine yourself as a proper father."

Derek folded his arms to his chest, shielding himself while unwanted memories visited yet again. His father's death, Carl Buford… "You know damn well why I feel that way, Reid." Using the other man's surname was nothing less than a punch at his face but he was too hurt to care.

Spencer nodded, gulping loudly. Derek wasn't sure which one was worse – the tears or the look on the genius' face at the moment. "Of course I know. And I'm not holding it against you, alright? I never could. But your words… They kept echoing in my head and I… I panicked. I was so afraid of losing you that I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if you'd ever be ready to have Mattie in your life. I screwed up. And then… Then you suggested moving in together and I… I realized that the truth would have to come out." The man looked at him directly to his eyes, the look begging, pleading. "I… I'm sorry, Derek, that you had to find out like this. I'm so sorry."

Derek nodded slowly. He could see that much. "I know." He then frowned. "But I can tell that there's something more to this. Just spit it all out while you're at it."

Spencer's breath shuddered, as did the man's whole much too slender frame. And then there was a barely visible nod. He had to strain his ears to catch the words. "Mattie… He's lived in 'Bellwood Heights', only an hour's drive away from here. It's a school for autistic children."

Derek's eyes widened. A stab of ache crossed his whole body. No matter how angry he was at Spencer… "Oh."

Spencer wiped his eyes to get rid of the small amount of moisture. "It's… It's not that I'd be ashamed of him. I'm not, Derek. I could _never_ be. He's amazing. He's my son and I love him more than anything in this world." The younger agent took a deep breath, trying to calm down and failing. "It's… me I'm ashamed of."

Derek frowned, throughoutly lost. "What the hell are you talking about? It's not your fault that he's…"

"What if it is?" Spencer's eyes were filled with terror and self hatred when they met his. It took ages before the actual words came. "A couple of months before my father left… I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I… I know that it wasn't the reason why he left but I…" Tears were falling, this time without any control. Spencer looked barely able to stand upright. "What… What if my son is the way he is because of me? What if it's all my fault? I'd never forgive myself if…" And then the man's voice faded away completely.

Derek blinked rapidly, everything pouring over him with such speed that he had no hope of staying on track. "What… did you just say?" When the other man didn't manage to produce a word he grabbed the genius' shoulders with a lot more force than he would've felt comfortable with under normal circumstances. "Spencer, you've gotta slow down. I… I can't understand what you're saying here."

Spencer did a lot more than just slow down. For several endless moments the man froze completely, rubbing his face furiously with both hands. The motions were hard enough to make the agent's skin turn red. Spencer didn't seem to even notice his broken wrist although the small self-assault must've hurt the injured limb like hell.

Worry made Derek's stomach knot. What the hell was going on? He placed a somewhat tentative hand to the younger man's shoulder. "Hey, hey!" It didn't look like Spencer heard him at all for the motions only grew harder. He tightened his grip just a little bit. "You're going to hurt yourself, okay? Stop that."

And then, so suddenly that Derek emitted a tiny cry of surprise, Spencer stumbled somewhat ungracefully to the floor, still rubbing his face. It took a moment before Derek noticed the way Spencer's body was quivering. The man was crying.

Derek was still hurt, in a shock and beyond confused. But when he saw Spencer break down completely his body reacted in the only way it knew how. He knelt down, then wrapped his arms around Spencer and pulled his boyfriend as close as he possibly could, holding on tight. The younger man held back desperately and practically melted into his arms.

Derek's head spun while he fought furiously to work through everything that'd just been thrown at his face. Although his heart was racing and his throat felt like he'd been suffocating he barely dared to breathe properly in fear of it setting Spencer off again. In his arms Spencer kept murmuring "I'm sorry" over and over again.

They'd had their fair share of fights, smaller ones and so big that they'd even had a trial break up. But this… Their relationship had never been tested this way. Now there was a very special child involved. It wasn't just the two of them anymore.

What did this mean to their relationship?

* * *

_June 14th, 2013_

* * *

The past week had been tense between Derek and Spencer with both of them trying to process all the secrets that'd just come out. Aaron allowed Derek to return on duty with a small degree of hesitation but Spence was still on sick leave, which left them with very little time to actually try and sort things out. Derek found it harder than he would've cared to admit to let of go of the hurt, and Spencer was exhausting himself with trying to make amends. It was utterly exhausting to both of them and they were both getting sick of it.

Fate, apparently, chose to cut the charade before one of them would've snapped.

The team's newest case, which led them to Albaguergue, was a extremely brutal one. Men with Spencer's exact physical description were found with their feet skinned before they'd been beaten to death. During the two days it took them to solve the case Derek lost count on how many times he thanked whatever higher power there was that Spencer was home, safe. He'd never, ever wanted to go back home as badly.

Before he left for the case Spencer told Derek that he loved him. Derek never said it back. He couldn't stop feeling sick to his stomach the whole time he was away. He was anxious to get the chance to try and make things right.

The rest of the team looked on with unsurprised amusement when Derek rushed out of the jet as soon as it landed, giving everyone barely any byes. Reaching Spencer's apartment building took longer than he'd remembered. He smiled upon seeing a light shining behind his boyfriend's bedroom window.

Yes. It was good to be home.

Spencer had long since given him the spare key to his apartment and Derek wasn't too shy to use it. He let himself in and inhaled Spencer's familiar scent. Despite the fact that it was almost night he could also smell coffee. Derek wasn't surprised. Spencer was one of those most likely few people who needed coffee to be able to fall asleep.

And then he heard Spencer's voice talking. It didn't take a lot to detect the terror in the younger man's voice. "… don't understand. How could something like that happen…?" By then he'd reached the bedroom's doorway. Spencer stood with his back towards him, shaking from rage and something beyond fear. "No, I won't. I'll come and pick him up, right now." So saying the genius hung up. As soon as the heated conversation was over Spencer began rubbing his face with both hands, visibly trying to put himself together and failing.

Worry swell inside Derek, to such extend that he started shaking as well. "Spencer? Baby?" It was the first time in days he called his boyfriend that. He approached cautiously. "What's wrong?"

Clearly only just becoming aware of his presence Spencer spun around. The man's tear and terror filled eyes filled with relief upon seeing him. In a flash there was no distance between them. "I'm so glad that you're home."

In some other situation Derek might've smiled. Now he was too worried. "That makes two of us." He then frowned, placing a hand under his boyfriend's chin to force him to meet his eyes. "Spencer… What's wrong? What's going on?"

Spencer swallowed thickly, a haunted look appearing to his eyes. It took several moments before the words came. "I… I just got a call, from Mattie's school. There's... Something's happened, and I've gotta pick him up, right now. So… I'm sorry, Derek, I'm so sorry that I can't be home tonight, but… Mattie, he needs me. I have to go and get him."

Derek's eyes widened. And then, without even thinking about any other alternative, he shook his head. "Baby, no. You're not driving in that state of mind, especially with a broken wrist."

Wild, animalistic terror lit into Spencer's eyes. "I have to get him here, to safety!"

Derek nodded. The words rolled easily off his tongue. "I know. I understand that. And that's why I'm driving."

Spencer stared at him in disbelief for the longest time, obviously wondering if he was serious. Then the younger man sealed him into a kiss the kind he'd never, ever had before. "Thank you", was whispered against his lips.

Derek could only hold Spencer. His heart thumped close to his throat and his whole body was shaking. "We'll sort this out. I promise."

He had no idea of what he was throwing himself into, of what this would do to their relationship. If he'd be able to handle the storm incoming. All he knew was that he had to _jump_.

There was barely even a handful of situations during his life when Derek had felt more scared than he did while following his boyfriend out of the apartment, towards a distant unknown.

* * *

TBC, OR NOT?

* * *

A/N: Awww… Those two have so much sorting out to do in the future. (sighs) But at least they're still hanging on tight.

I've gotta tune out now. (pouts) BUT, before you do, PLEASE leave a note and let me know your thoughts! Was this piece any good, at all, or should I pull it back to the drawing bord? Let me know. It seriously means a lot. (gives puppy's eyes)

Until next time, my friends! 'Hope you'll be staying tuned for that one.

Take care!

* * *

**paramoredud**: 'Glad to hear you think so! (grins from ear to ear) I really hope that the rest turns out worth your while as well.

Monumental thank yous for the review!

* * *

**Geniuslover187**: Oh, how happy I am to hear that the first chapter pleased you so! (beams) I really hope that the next one(s) won't let you down, either.

Massive thank yous for the review!

* * *

**Guest**: (winks) 'Guess Derek missed the summary, eh? (grins) I hope that you'll stay on ride as the story goes on!

Lots of thank yous for the review!


	3. The First Encounter

A/N: See? See? I'm still on schedule! (beams) My mind is racing around my babies right now, which means that blank pages keep filling up. Mmm… It feels nice.

BUT, before getting to the story… THANK YOU, again and again, for those hearwarming reviews! (HUGS) Your love for this story is seriously fueling it up, ya know? So give yourselves huge pats to the back! You guys are fantastic.

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) I guess that it's go-time, huh? 'Hope you'll have a good ride.

* * *

The First Encounter

* * *

The drive towards Matthew's school was silent. Derek had difficulties with focusing on driving because of everything there was spinning inside his head. Every now and then he stole a worried glance towards Spencer, who was staring through the window with one arm folded over his chest and the other brought close to his mouth. The thin man's whole body was trembling convulsively. Through the window's reflection Derek could see that his partner was dangerously close to tears.

Derek swallowed, feeling just a little bit choked up himself. "Look, Spence… Everything's going to work out, alright?" He kept telling himself that although he didn't even know what, exactly, had happened. Since that phone call Spencer had been too worked up to produce explanations. He could only hope for the best.

Once again it was quiet, for so long that it was turning into a loud buzz in Derek's ears. Then, so suddenly that he shivered a little, Spencer half whispered. "They… They called me, and told me that there'd been an incident. One of the older kids… _approached_ Mattie. Watched him. Sniffed him. _Touched_ him. Tried things And the adults… They weren't even there – they had to go through surveillance footage to find out. They… They barged into the room when Mattie… When he screamed. The older boy was naked, right in front of him." Spencer gagged but didn't throw up and wiped his eyes. "I… I really thought that he was safe there." The genius' eyes were moist but no tears spilled. There was a shuddering breath. "My son, and my mom… I… I haven't been able to take care of them. I trusted them into the hands of strangers. I failed them, and now…!" A tear spilled, then another. Soon it was followed by a tiny flood.

Making a quick decision Derek drove the car to the side of the road and parked. As soon as the vehicle was still he wrapped his arms around Spencer as tightly as he could. The younger man returned his hold with equal despair, wailing into his chest with a sound that broke his heart. Derek swallowed thickly, struggling to keep his own emotions at bay.

All this guilt… It came out with such overpowering force that it nearly suffocated the man in his arms. It must've been building up for years. And all this time… Derek didn't have the slightest clue that it even existed. He'd never caught even a glimpse of this storm.

Since finding out about Matthew how many of those trips Spencer claimed to make to Las Vegas actually led the genius to his son? Often Spencer called him afterwards in the middle of the night, letting him know that the younger man was home and needed to hear his voice. How many times had Spencer cried alone?

Derek didn't know. And at the moment it didn't even matter. He closed his eyes and held on with all his might. "You did everything you could, for both of them. You do know that, right? You did everything there was in your power to ensure that they both received the best possible care. None of this is your fault, do you understand? This _is not_ your fault."

Spencer didn't manage to produce a word, only clung to him even more tightly than before. Little by little, after a decade it seemed, the sobs died down. Quickly, clearly embarrassed by the emotional outburst, Spencer withdrew from his hold, wiping his eyes and blinking furiously. "Let's… Let's just go, okay?

Derek nodded, not sure if he wanted to smile or groan. Consoling Spencer was like trying to hold a snowflake without making it melt. "Yeah. Let's go and take Mattie home."

Spencer nodded and Derek wondered if it was a smile he saw. As they slid to the road again Derek blinked twice upon feeling something soft and warm on his hand. Looking down, he grinned slightly upon finding Spencer's fingers curled smoothly through his. Feeling just a little bit better he held back, rubbing the back of his boyfriend's hand with his thumb.

Once more in silence their journey towards the great unknown continued.

* * *

The school was a lot smaller than Derek had expected. Fresh white paint on the outside, a huge yard with tall fences, two floors, a massive oak door. In full honesty the place looked anything but homey. If Derek hadn't known better he would've thought that the place was a hospital.

He immediately decided to _never _say that out loud in front of Spencer.

Derek opened his mouth but before he could say a word Spencer climbed out of the vehicle with a grim look on his face. Derek followed quickly, preparing himself for a storm. If he's been in Spencer's shoes…

Before they ever made it to the door a woman in her late fifties emerged from the building, looking like she'd been preparing herself for a war. She'd pulled her long, grayish hair to a ponytail and her brown eyes were narrowed. 'Katherine', Derek studied from her nametag. "This is a very bad idea, Dr. Reid. Matthew's care…"  
Derek had never seen the kind of an expression that appeared to Spencer's face just then. It sent chills through the night. "I've trusted my son to this place for a long time. I've trusted you with his education and safety. But this… There's no way I'm leaving my son here after what just happened to him!"

Katherine swallowed, shifting restlessly. "We need to think what's best for Matthew…"

"What's best for my son _isn't_ being molested by the other children here!" Spencer bellowed like a wounded lion, the voice flowing through the dark like a thunder. "What's best for my son isn't being left all alone and being traumatized!"

Katherine blinked twice. "I'm truly sorry for what he had to go through…"

Spencer didn't listen for he was already on his way towards the front door. Katherine moved to follow until Derek spoke out, his insides boiling with such rage he didn't remember feeling in a really, really long time. "Katherine." His tone was nothing short of frosty. "One of my co-workers is a lawyer. Hell of a good one. Unless you want this whole pitiable, horrendous place to be sued you let Spence take his own son home – to where he knows that the child will be safe. Do you understand?"

Katherine nodded, rage and some fright visible on her suddenly very pale face.

Pleased with the results of his threat Derek followed Spencer into the school. The hallways were dark and long, enough so to make his imagination run wild. Somewhere behind him the main door closed and opened, most likely after Katherine, but he didn't bother to waste time on looking over his shoulder. For as he was about to pass by a half open door he heard Spencer's voice.

"_Look, Mattie… I know that you faced something horrible, and… I'm your dad. I'm so sorry that I wasn't here to stop it from happening, that I couldn't be here to protect you. Because… Because that's what my job is._" Spencer's voice sounded like the man had been about to break down or burst into tears but somehow the genius managed to hold himself together. "_But… I'm here now, okay? I'm right here. I'll take you away from this place._"

By then Derek had made his way to the room's doorway. What he saw wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting. He blinked twice.

Spencer was clearly fighting against tears while packing up his son's small amount of belongings. It was, however, the little boy who caught Derek's eye. Matthew was sitting in the tiny room's furthest corner, rocking himself rapidly with his legs brought to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around them. The boy's wide, horrified eyes that stared at a unidentifiable spot looked so much like Lila's that it made Derek shiver. But the boy's slender figure, the hair, the face… He looked exactly like a miniature Spencer.

Not wanting to stare, somehow having an idea that Matthew might not like it, Derek forced his eyes elsewhere. He blinked once more. The room's walls… They were covered in numbers and pictures. Animals, people… The drawings were full of details, so skilled that most adults wouldn't have been able to do a better job.

"Mattie draws when he's upset", Spencer explained in a tight, exhausted voice, rubbing his face with his good hand. After gathering himself for a moment the man took a breath and cleared his throat. "Could you… take Mattie's bag, please?"

Derek nodded. "Sure." There was a ton of things he would've wanted to say but decided against it. Spencer was barely holding himself together. He didn't want to take down the last barriers, not yet.

Derek felt his insides twist and turn with sadness when he watched how Spencer approached his clearly distraught son, whispering something his ears didn't quite catch. Then, slowly and cautiously, the younger man reached out towards the little boy. It took only the slightest touch to set Matthew off.

Derek had never heard anything or anyone scream the way Matthew did just then. It was a shrill, wrenching sound that made its way even to the core of his being and he could only imagine how it made Spencer feel. Appearing throughoutly torn Spencer wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling the child into his arms despite the fact that it couldn't possibly do any good to his broken wrist. Matthew kept screaming, kicking and throwing scared punches, obviously not having the slightest clue of what was being done to him.

Seeing the tears in Spencer's eyes Derek swallowed, feeling like crying himself. "Spence…" He would've given anything – _anything_ – if he would've been able to do something to help, emotionally or physically. But as it was all he could do was hold on to Matthew's bag and pray that the child's terrified tantrum would be over soon.

Spencer shook his head, trembling with the desire to just let go and fall apart. "Let's… Let's just leave, 'k?"

Leave they did. Katherine stood in the hallway, a look of guilt, worry and frustration in her eyes. "I'm truly sorry for what happened to Matthew." She looked at the still struggling child. "But I think that you're making a mistake…"

Spencer shook his head. The first tear rolled, unnoticed by the genius. "No mistake could be worse than leaving my son here." With those words and Matthew's screams left echoing behind they made their way to Derek's car.

As soon as they were all settled as well as possible under the circumstances Derek glanced towards the pair through the rearview mirror. Matthew was still struggling and crying out in a long ago broken voice, Spencer seemed to be in a great deal of several types of pain. The little family had clearly been through a hell. "You did the right thing, you know?" he whispered, hoping from the bottom of his heart that Spencer would believe him in the end.

Spencer's eyes were on his son while the younger man sighed, a haunted look in his eyes. "I really hope so."

* * *

Derek decided to spend the night with Spencer in the man's apartment, knowing full well how badly the genius needed someone to support him. He'd known to expect that living with a autistic child wouldn't be easy. But nothing could've prepared him for the reality.

Matthew didn't stop screaming when they made it to the apartment. The disabled, traumatized child had just been taken away from a place that he'd known as home and thrown into a terrifying, unfamiliar new environment. The boy reacted in the only way he could.

Derek could only imagine what the neighbors must've been thinking when the noise grew as the night progressed. Matthew was screaming with terror and anger, throwing things and drawing to the walls with anything he could find. But he was just a little boy who hadn't had any rest all night. Eventually exhaustion took the best of him.

It was four thirty in the morning when Spencer was finally able to pull Matthew into his arms once more. The child resisted at first but calmed down after a while, it was impossible to tell if it was because of Spencer's whispers or sheer fatigue. Still whispering Spencer laid the already almost sleeping child to the bed, tucking the boy in as gently as only a parent can. In about fifteen minutes Matthew's eyes first drooped, then closed completely and the child was sound asleep.

At first Derek could only stare, the events of that seemingly endless night spinning around in his head. But then Spencer whimpered, holding on to his casted wrist and bringing it to his chest. Only a couple of tears rolled but Derek could tell that there were more coming. The genius was shivering like a leaf; dead tired, in pain, frustrated and guilty. There was so much self hatred in his eyes that it _killed _Derek.

Easily overcoming his own inner turmoil Derek made his way to his partner and wrapped his arms tightly around the genius. Spencer held back, burying his face to his chest. "It's going to be okay", Derek whispered although he didn't have the slightest clue if it was true. He stroked Spencer's soft, slightly sweaty hair and inhaled the younger man's scent. "We'll get through this, I swear. It'll be okay."

Spencer's breathing shuddered but at least it sounded like the man was calming down. "I love you." It was barely even audible but enough to make Derek's heart swell. "I love you so much."

Despite everything that'd just happened and all there was up ahead, Derek smiled as he kissed Spencer's hair. "I love you, too."

They stayed like that until the morning dawned and Spencer fell into a light, restless slumber. Making sure that the other man was asleep Derek took his cell phone and called Aaron, letting the unit chief know that after the weekend he'd need a couple of days off for a family emergency. When the other man asked what was wrong he didn't tell the full truth. It wasn't his place.

Derek knew that he should've rested when he still could but he didn't manage to even close his eyes. Instead he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Matthew's sleeping, finally peaceful face. He watched, and wondered how in the world the three of them would ever make it through this.

Would they ever become a real family if every single one of them was so damn messed up?

* * *

TBC, right?

* * *

A/N: 'Looks like there's quite a road ahead of these three, huh? (sighs) But at least they're together right now.

**PLEASE**, leave a note! Let this story keep feeling loved. (gives puppy's eyes) Awww, c'mon, isn't that box down below just calling you…?

I've got another project to wrap up as well so I've gotta go. (pouts) I really, really hope that I'll see ya again the next time!

Take care!

* * *

**new mexico**: Thanks for letting me know!

Thank you so much for the review!


	4. Lullabies For Restless Souls

A/N: Heck yeah, I'm back! (grins) BUT, before letting you get to the next chapter of this baby…

Thank you so much for all those reviews! (HUUUGS) It DOES mean a lot, ya know? A lot. So thank you!

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) I REALLY hope that this chapter turns out to be a good ride.

* * *

Lullabies For Restless Souls

* * *

_June 19th, 2013_

* * *

The first days together were a particularly intense time for the newly formed family that was working furiously to try and get used to each other's quirks. Derek, albeit unsure of what to think of his new position, was pleased to discover the changes in the duo he now shared his life with. Some of Matthew's anger, fear and confusion began to mold into something else, slowly yet surely. A part of Spencer's crushing guilt transformed into something more constructive, something Derek recognized very well – determination. It was the same fire that'd kept Spencer alive through the turmoil of his life. The father and son really, truly, attempted to survive the trauma that'd shuddered them both.

But oh, life wasn't simple, not at all, not that they would've been expecting such. Matthew's tantrums came and went, not quite as frequently but still. Over the course of those trying days Derek lost track on how many times he found Spencer crying from the apartment's bathroom. Those two had their good moments as well, of course. Those when Spencer read stories and Matthew listened in his own, not quite silent way, emitting noises and rocking himself. Those when the two sat side by side, focused on a drawing or a puzzle. Those when the two discovered Spencer's electric keyboard. They were bonding in their own unsual and subtle way. And Derek discovered that somewhere along the way Matthew managed to sneak under his skin as well. He came to notice that they had several things in common. While Spencer enjoyed long mornings the two of them always woke up early, sometimes enough so to watch the sunrise together. They had a mutual soft spot for animals. They both loved Spencer's voice.

But Derek was still a stranger to Matthew, someone the little boy wasn't quite sure of. Sometimes the agent tended to forget that. Just like he did that evening when entering the bathroom to see what, exactly, Matthew was doing. He didn't know if he should've laughed or cried when he saw what was almost a full tube of toothpaste covering the floor, with the boy drawing bizarre patterns to the substance. There was toothpaste all over the child as well. "Oh, kid…! Look at the mess you've made." He took a step closer, not remembering to kneel to the boy's level. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He reached out a hand – and all hell broke loose.

Matthew clearly interpreted the approaching hand as a threat. The scream the child emitted was such that'd definitely haunt Derek for the rest of his life. Before Derek had the time to do anything Matthew was moving, running around the room in huge circles.

Swearing almost inaudibly under his breath Derek lowered his hand, desperately trying to figure out how to undo the damage. "Look, Mattie, I… I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm not going to hurt you. I…" And then he found himself from the floor, not realizing that he'd stepped on the toothpaste until he was already down.

Of course that was when Spencer appeared to the room's doorway, a frantic look on his face. "What's wrong? I heard…" The very sight rendered the genius speechless.

There Derek was, a muscular hard-cooked agent, on the bathroom floor with a autistic little boy running madly around him, both of them covered in toothpaste.

At first Spencer just stared. Then, out of the blue, the genius burst into the kind of a laughter Derek hadn't heard in a long time. And for a moment everything was better in their crazy new world.

* * *

_June 21st, 2013_

* * *

A mild degree of paranoia was what made Aaron Hotchner as good at his job as he was. He didn't accept too easy options. Didn't let anything slide. Didn't trust anything or anyone blindly. When one of his agents announced that they needed some time off for a family emergency and then proclaimed that there was nothing to be worried about Aaron's senses tingled.

Friday had turned into a evening long since and Aaron knew all too well that he should've been on his way to Jack. He really should've rushed to spend time with his son, especially since the remaining team had just finished a four days long case, but first there was a place where he needed to go. He didn't even try Derek's apartment. These days the only one occupying the place seemed to be Clooney and despite Spencer's hesitation towards the matter the canine also spent a lot of time in the genius' apartment. The sounds Aaron heard when approaching the youngest teammember's door, however, most definitely didn't come from a dog.

A deep frown taking over his features he knocked rather loudly. The noises – screams, perhaps? – intensified. Spencer's voice said something, after which steps approached. It was Derek who opened the door.

The dark skinned agent's eyes widened. It was amusing, in a way, to see such a tough guy so very petrified. "What… are you doing here?"

Aaron's eyes hardened, almost became those same he had during a interrogation. "You called, saying that there's a family emergency. I'm not going to ask if everything's alright. Instead I came to find out what's wrong."

Derek swallowed, then opened his mouth. It was Spencer who spoke. "It's okay." The genius sounded tired. Just one glimpse made it apparent that the man hadn't slept properly in days. His hair was a disheveled mess, there were dark bags under his eyes and his face appeared even paler than usual. "I… guess that it's high time to let the truth out."

Aaron's frown from before deepened still. What the hell was going on? He followed the visibly tense brunet into the apartment's living room. In an instant his eyes widened a fraction.

The first thing he caught was the devastation. Books, toys, children's clothes… They were scattered all over the floor in a huge mess, like a tornado had swept in. He could see pictures and numbers drawn all over the walls with several kinds of pencils, some of them colored. And there, in the middle of it all, sat a naked little boy with the star Spencer put together for Emily once upon a time, so focused on the item that it looked like nothing else existed in his world. A boy who looked so much like Spencer that it chilled him.

Was… this all for real?

"He's… He's Matthew." Spencer's voice was slightly tight, full of emotion. The younger man's eyes had never looked the way they did then, focused on the child. "My son."

For a second, two, three Aaron could only stare until the words dropped out. "Your… son?"

Spencer nodded, finally managing to pry his eyes away from the boy to meet his. "Yeah." Then, suddenly very aware of how things must've looked, the man ran a hand roughly through his hair. "We've… had a challenging day. He decided not to put on any clothes. That's the noise you probably heard."

Aaron nodded slowly, understanding dawning. Just one look exchanged with Derek, who stood almost directly behind Spencer, revealed that his assumption was the correct one. "I see."

Seeming to catch the unvoiced request in the air Derek spoke. "You know… If you want to have a proper talk I'll keep an eye on Mattie in the meantime."

Spencer smiled at his partner. "Thank you." The somewhat wary brown eyes met his briefly. "Let's go to the kitchen."

As they went Aaron couldn't help noticing the way Spencer and Derek's fingers brushed together for a brief moment. He found it hard to hold back a smile.

Spencer began pacing around restlessly as soon as they entered the kitchen. "Do you… Do you want coffee, or tea, anything? I could…"

"Reid." Aaron wore the same tone he did on duty. The same that always got to Spencer. "All I want is you to sit down and explain everything to me."

It took longer than it should've but eventually Spencer slumped down to the opposite side of the kitchen table. The man's eyes darted around aimlessly while fingers drummed a untraceable beat. "Mattie… It was apparent that he was… different when he was still just a baby. He refused to make eye contact, didn't cry when he was hungry or upset. He was lost in a world of his own. It wasn't a surprise when he was diagnosed as autistic."

Aaron nodded once more, his head working hard to process all this. A twinge of sadness went through him. "Where has he been until now?" Because he couldn't imagine that Spencer would've been able to juggle between work and having a special needs child at home.

Spencer looked away, his fingers becoming even more restless. Clearly this was a touchy topic. "He grew up with his mom for a while. Then… he went to a school for autistic children. It's… complicated, but he's lived here for a few days, now." The genius bit his lower lip, almost hard enough to cause damage. "That's why Mattie's acting up. He doesn't take drastic changes well."

Aaron hesitated for a while before his next question. There was no gentle way to put what was on his mind. He tried to soften the blow as much as he could. "Does Mattie… know who you are to him?" That was quite possibly the kindest and most elusive way possible to ask 'Exactly how out of it is your son?'.

Spencer, bless his soul, didn't seem to hear the unvoiced part or just ignored it. The man swallowed loudly, folding his arms to his chest and taking a tight hold. Desperately trying to keep himself together. "He doesn't talk so it's hard to tell what he understands and recognizes. I'm pretty sure that he's… familiar with the people he sees frequently and I know that he doesn't do too well with strangers approaching him. But… I don't think that he knows just _who_ I am to him. To him the entire concept 'dad' is incomprehensible." The genius' fingers kept drumming. "It… really hurts sometimes." It was highly likely the first time he admitted that out loud.

Aaron could understand Spencer's feelings very well. And he could tell that his son's obvious pain and confusion were _killing_ Spencer. If Jack was like Matthew… He sighed. "You could've told me, you know? That you have a son. That you need help. You should've told me."

Spencer nodded slowly, looking down at his hands with a clearly visible amount of guilt. "I know", the genius confessed quietly, then licked his lips. "Derek… I didn't even tell him, you know? I'm not sure which one of us is more upset about it." It was the first time Spencer called his partner by his first name in front of others. There was this tiniest trace of a smile. "He could've just left – he had every right to do so. But he stayed, with both me and Mattie."

Aaron felt a great deal warmer than before. "He loves you."

Spencer was suddenly very serious. "I know."

The silence that fell into the room was a comfortable one.

* * *

The day went by in some sort of a blur for Spencer after Aaron's visit. Matthew was considerably calmer which made it easier to attempt at least semi normal life. The three of them spent hours putting together puzzles that should've been too challenging for a child of Matthew's age. They cooked macaroni and cheese, which was Matthew's favorite. And at the end of the day Matthew fell asleep to Spencer reading out loud The Chronicles of Narnia, with only an inch separating them while Spencer followed the text in a quiet, calm tone.

Spencer had just tucked his son in when he felt someone watching. Turning his head he found Derek stood by the doorway with a strange look on his face. He blinked twice. "What?"

Derek shook his head with a wide smile. "You have no idea of how beautiful and desirable you looked just now."

Spencer arched a very suggestive eyebrow. "Do you want to show me?"

A couple of hours later they lay in their huge bed side by side, pleasure filled pain tingling through their bodies. The familiar and soothing scent in the air helped their muscles relax even further. Spencer was almost falling asleep when Derek spoke quietly.

"Spence… My mom called today, asking why I haven't kept in touch as much lately." There was a small pause. "I told her about Mattie. She deserves to know."

Spencer tensed up instantly, his eyes widening. It took a mighty while before he managed to speak out. "How… did she take it?"

"She was… shocked. But she's my mom. She promised to support me, since I've made my decision."

Those words didn't calm Spencer down the slightest. He breathed in, out and again, his thoughts spinning around madly. What had he pulled Derek into?

In the dark Spencer finally had the courage to voice what'd been weighing his mind since the beginning of their relationship. The fear that'd kept him from sharing the truth about Matthew for so long. "Look, Derek…" He shifted slightly. "I know that this isn't easy. Dealing with Mattie – with _me_… But you handle it all nonetheless, without a word of complaint." His eyes stung just a little bit, forcing him to shift slightly. The following words were pushed through a tight throat. "I… I don't expect you to want to go through it forever, you know? I don't… I don't want you to look back when you're older, and realize just how much better you could've done. I don't want you to throw your life to waste and…"

"Spencer." The tone of Derek's voice silenced him instantly. Now it was the larger man's turn to shift. A hand took his and squeezed so tightly that it almost hurt. "_Do not_ make it sound like I'd be some sort of a perfect person, alright? Because I'm not. Such doesn't exist. You, a genius, of all people should know that." There was a deep inhale. "I know, for a fact, that I brought a lot of package into this relationship. I'm not proud of it but I'm also not going to start pretending. I have my scars, my insecurities, my doubts. But this, you and me… It's the just about only thing that I have absolutely no doubts about." By then the older agent was much closer and he sought the welcomed body heat greedily. "I could never, ever regret being with you. And Mattie… He's a part of you. That's why I love him, too."

Spencer would've never, ever known to expect the flood that came over him with those words. His eyes weren't dry when he pulled Derek even closer to him, sealing the man into a searing kiss. The weight that'd been sitting on his chest all day disappeared.

Derek chuckled. "I thought you were tired."

"Shut up and let me show you how much I love you right now."

* * *

_June 23rd, 2013_

* * *

Sleep deprivation was most likely the most challenging part of living with Matthew. At best the boy slept three hours per night. The fact that he needed constant supervision left the adults with very little time to close their eyes and relax.

It was four in the morning and Matthew was drawing to his room's wall with a green pen he'd found from who knows where. Derek had slumped to the floor about five steps further with his face buried into his hands, a headache splitting his skull in half. "Kid, please…" His voice sounded slightly choked up which only proved just exhausted he was. He had to swallow before he managed to carry on. "You… You need to sleep, okay? All little kids need sleep. Just… Just go to bed, and close your eyes. Please…!"

Matthew kept drawing and making strange noises, completely absorbed by his own world. Derek moaned, letting his head fall back into his hands and feeling ready to burst into tears. To sleep, that was all he wanted. Why wouldn't Matthew grow tired?

So tired and frustrated he was that he didn't hear Spencer entering the room. "Let me try something." The genius looked and sounded at least as tired as he felt. The man was holding his cell phone in a far from steady hand.

Derek's eyebrow bounced up. "What do you have in mind?"

Spencer swallowed with uncertainty in his eyes, then searched through the cell phone for something. In a while a female voice filled the room. Lila Archer's voice, singing a lullaby Derek had never heard before.

Ashamed as he was to admit it the first thing that crossed Derek was jealousy, such that almost suffocated him. His lips parted, ready to spit out venom. That was until he noticed.

Slowly yet surely Matthew stopped drawing, his eyes widening slightly. The little boy was… listening, very intently. This bizarre calmness, perhaps even longing, clouded his eyes.

And then, right after the lullaby, Lila whispered. "_Goodnight, Mattie – it's time to go to bed. Sleep tight. I love you._"

Once Lila's voice quieted down Spencer approached his son slowly. "C'mon, Mattie. Let's get you to bed. It's time to sleep."

Matthew followed without a word of complaint, slipping under the covers. The boy didn't protest, didn't react much at all, when Spencer leaned very close and whispered something. In a matter of seconds the child was fast asleep. Bringing a finger to his lips Spencer gestured Derek to follow him out of the room. He obeyed, a frown on his face.

As soon as they made it to the kitchen Derek spoke out. "What was that all about?" He tried to keep accusations at bay but failed.

Spencer sighed, his shoulders slumping. Suddenly the man appeared ten years older than before. "Lila… She called me a few hours ago when you were feeding and walking Clooney, demanding to know why Mattie isn't in his school anymore. It's the first time she contacted me since Mattie was accepted to the school." The genius gritted his teeth. "She… sent that to me, when I told her that Mattie hasn't been sleeping well. She said that it might help."

Suddenly Derek's chest tightened with immense sadness. "He really misses his mom."

Spencer sighed, rubbing his face with both hands. "Yeah, I know." The man then looked at him, almost… scared. "Look… I know…"

Derek shook his head, his mixed feelings easing ever so slightly. "I trust you, baby." And he meant that, from the bottom of his heart. "I can't rob Matthew of what little he has of his mom just because of my own insecurities."

Gratitude washed over Spencer, he could see that. He didn't hesitate to return the affection when the younger man leaned against him, practically melting into his arms. There they stood, like two soldiers who'd just marched through their toughest battle yet.

That night, in the middle of the disaster zone, the family got a much needed breather.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh dear… (sighs) They're honestly trying, but it's damn hard work. Let's hope that they'll have what it takes to overcome the storm approaching…

PLEASE, let me hear your thoughts? Was that any good, at all? Awww, c'mon, that box down there's calling you…

'Hope I'll see ya all again next time!

Take care!

* * *

**Imperfect1989**: Seriously?! (BEAMS) I'm glowing here, ya know? I LOVE MorganxReid stuff as well (duh!), whether it's brotherly or romantic. They're such a cute duo. (grins)

I truly hope that the rest pleases you as much!

Colossal thank yous for the review!

* * *

**PaMela**: Let's hope so! What he's going through right now is so hearbreaking. (winces)

Massive thank yous for the review!


	5. Meeting the Family

A/N: This chapter was, perhaps, the most challenging part of this whole story. But it's here now! (beams) We'll see just how it turned out…

But first, of course, credit when it's due! THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your fantastic reviews. You've totally kept my spirits up lately, ya know? So thank you!

Awkay, ma friends… It's time to get on with the story. I really hope that you'll like this one!

* * *

Meeting the Family

* * *

_June 25th, 2013_

* * *

With a degree of hesitation Spencer agreed with Derek that it was high time for the rest of team to meet Matthew. The first step was telling them. That's why he went to the bureau a day after Aaron's visit and shared the news. The reactions varied from David Rossi's and Alex Blake's mild stun to Jennifer Jareau's bear hug and Penelope Garcia's swat to the head for not telling her sooner. (1) Their hunger for information wasn't satisfied until he'd answered about a million questions. The next step, of course, was actually introducing Matthew to them.

It was raining on the day the apartment's doorbell rang and Spencer's heart thumped when he opened the door to let the team in. "Hi." He moved somewhat awkwardly to the side. "He's… had a pretty good day today but I can't promise anything. Just… Don't go too close and overwhelm him, alright?"

JJ gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze and smiled. "Don't worry. We're very prepared for anything."

Spencer couldn't keep himself from smiling back. His steps were just a little bit lighter when he led the team to the living room. "So… This is Mattie."

There, sitting a slight distance away from Derek, was Matthew with a extremely focused look on his face, putting together a 500 pieces puzzle. Quickly and without a trace of hesitation the child's tiny hands found the correct puzzles. Every once in a while the boy caressed the already put together part with his hand, as though admiring his work.

Penelope gave a squeal mixed sigh. "Oh, my gosh…! He's so adorable!"

David chuckled. "I should've known that he's a genius, too."

At that moment something unexpected happened. Clearly listening to her instincts instead of Spencer's warnings JJ approached Matthew, slowly and calmly. The boy sensed her and stiffened when she took a seat next to him, giving her a evaluating sideways glance. A couple of seconds later Matthew's mind was made up. His whole body relaxing he reached out a hand, laying it right next to JJ's, then kept putting the puzzle together like nothing had ever happened. The sounds he was making making changed, became softer, like he'd been having some sort of a conversation. Perhaps the fact that JJ looked like his mom brought the child comfort. Perhaps he didn't even realize what was going on. But he was comfortable and seemingly content despite all the strangers present and that was all that really mattered. Spencer smiled, sharing a look with Derek. The man smiled back at him.

While Matthew and JJ kept working on the puzzle with the rest of them looking on a very important decision was made.

Hours later, after promises that they'd get to see Matthew again soon, the team left. Everyone except for JJ, that is, for Derek took her hand to hold her back. "Wait." Derek felt… nervous, almost. "There's something we want to ask you."

JJ blinked, surprised, then nodded. "Sure."

He led her to Matthew's room, where the child had fallen asleep after all the day's excitement. His heart warmed up at the sight of the child sleeping curled up, almost touching Spencer who sat on the bedside, watching over his son's rest. Hearing them the man looked up.

"You… wanted to ask me something", JJ pointed out.

Spencer nodded slowly. "Yeah." The man cleared his throat. "Derek and I… We've been talking." The genius' eyes traveled back to his son, not wanting to stay away too long. "Mattie… When he was born he received a emergency baptism. That's why he never got proper godparents." Spencer glanced towards JJ once more. "I know that this is too sudden and you don't have to answer now, but… Would you like to be his godmom? Because… It looks like he's chosen you to be the woman of his life."

Tears filled JJ's eyes. And before either of the men saw it coming she was hugging Spencer, with all there was in her. "Of course, Spence. It'd be a huge honor."

* * *

JJ stayed for about an hour longer. After her departure Matthew had a quite heavy confusion and over-stimulation caused tantrum that succeeded in knocking him to sleep without any lullabies or bedtime stories. Although they were exhausted the two men decided to make the most out of the time they had. These days they didn't have too much time for themselves, anyway, and it'd only grow less when Derek would return to work in a little bit.

When Spencer announced that he'd be taking a shower Derek actually headed towards the kitchen first. Then, while rummaging through the refrigerator, he blinked as his all too famous instincts kicked in. Warmth appeared to his cheeks.

Dear god, they really were becoming a old married couple!

Derek had never, ever stripped as fast as he did just then, all the while leaping towards the bathroom where the shower was still running. He made barely any sound upon entering, by then completely naked. Spencer hadn't even pulled the shower curtain for cover, allowing him a immediate view to the younger man's body.

Spencer grinned far from coyly, not opening his eyes. The man's long fingers fiddled with his wet, brown locks. "I already thought that you wouldn't come."

Derek grinned back. A certain part of him stiffened quite comfortably as his eyes drank in the view of Spencer's slender figure. "What? And miss _this_?"

Spencer's eyes opened halfway, giving him a clearly visible challenge. If Derek would've tried to tell anyone about _this _side of his partner they would've never believed him. "Then join in before I'll have to finish off myself."

Join in he did. Derek's hands hadn't lost their touch despite their recent less than average use. They were hungry upon making their way to the most sensitive spots on Spencer's body and exploring like he'd been facing a new unfamiliar and untamed land.

Curious. Arrogant. Greedy. Eager.

Spencer moaned, practically melting under his lips and hands. "I… I can't believe that we danced around each other for so many years… when we could've been doing this…"

Derek smirked, giving his partner a searing yet tender kiss. "It's like with good wine, baby. A little bit of waiting only makes it sweeter."

Spencer snorted, meeting his eyes. "Yeah, that much became perfectly clear with all those 'Let's not rush into things' speeches."

Derek groaned, a shiver of pleasure going through him when Spencer pressed his hip closer. "Shut up."

"Make me."

Derek was about to do just that until the sound of a doorbell interrupted him. He groaned loudly, leaning his forehead against Spencer's. "Fucking hell…!"

Spencer sighed, his body twitching in a way that certainly didn't make Derek feel any more eager to leave things at that. The bright blush on the man's cheeks didn't ease things, either. "Could… you open? There's… I need to… take care of something."

Derek scoffed, feeling throbbing down below. "And you think I don't?"

Spencer gave him a look no man or woman on this planet would've been able to resist. "Please? I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

Derek sighed, lifting his hands in surrender. "You'd better." He gave his boyfriend a kiss while wrapping a towel around his waist.

Spencer took a breath. "If it's Mrs. Lowell tell her that we're sorry about the noise that'll ensue, so she won't have to come back later."

Derek couldn't resist a grin at that. That sure sounded promising. "Oh trust me, pretty boy, I will." Then, already at the doorway, he threw over his shoulder as an afterthought. "But she's your neighbor and a huge gossip. It's not my fault if she thinks that you're rooming with a horny pervert."

Spencer smiled. "I don't care as long as you're my horny pervert."

Muttering curses at nosy neighbors under his breath Derek made his way towards the door. He really should've braced himself better. For what he found upon opening the door made whatever… _tension_ there'd been in his body melt away in a flash.

He found himself face to face with his mother and sisters.

_Oh crap…!_

While Sarah arched an eyebrow at his undressed appearance and Fran closed him into a bear hug Desiree gave him a apologetic smile. "I'm… sorry that we're stopping by at this hour, unannounced, but mom refused to go to the hotel before seeing you."

Fran's eyes narrowed slightly upon meeting his. "Derek Morgan, did you honestly expect that we wouldn't come and visit when you announce through the phone that your partner has a child? What kind of a family would that make of us?"

Still dazed and more than a little _frustrated_ Derek blinked dubiously, humiliation making his hands roam around things that should've been hidden. "What… How did you know where I am?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "We may not be profilers but we know you pretty well. This is where you spend most of your freetime, anyway."

"_Derek? Who was it?_" Spencer, at very least, had a shirt and pants on when the genius walked into the room. "I was thinking that we could…" And then the man noticed his family. A radiant blush appeared in a blink. "Oh, I…" Spencer cleared his throat. "Hi."

Fran smiled, seeming dangerously close to bursting into a laughter. "Well hello, dear." She held a tiny pause to give Spencer the time to compose himself. "I'm sorry that we're coming over unannounced, but… We'd really love to meet little Matthew."

Derek swallowed, hoping and praying that Spencer would understand. His mom and sisters had always been very, very family oriented. And Matthew… He was Fran's first shot at becoming something close to a grandmother. It was to be expected that they went a little… overboard.

Understand Spencer did. Warmth filled the man's brown eyes, along with a great deal of nervousness. "Of course. He's sleeping right now but I doubt he'll be for long. Come in." While the Morgan women walked in and closed the door Spencer shifted nervously. "How… much did Derek tell you about Mattie?"

A touch of sadness appeared to Desiree's eyes. "We know that he's a special little boy, if that's what you mean. We also know that he isn't very used to strangers so we're not expecting anything of him."

Spencer nodded, seeming to relax ever so slightly. "'K."

All of a sudden they heard shuffling from Matthew's room, followed by the ominous sound of something falling down. Then it became quiet. _Too_ quiet.

Derek exchanged nervous looks with Spencer, after which the two of them practically sprinted to Matthew's room, followed closely by the women. They found a chaos of yellow, blue, green and red. It seemed that Matthew had decided to paint. As a result he'd knocked off three bottles of children's paint, causing the colors to stream everywhere. The child's hair, clothes, the floor, the desk… They were a colorful mess. The child himself was sitting at the desk, drawing and absorbed by the world of his own. It didn't look like he even sensed them there. His left foot tapped impatiently and he made quiet sounds, as though trying to talk to his creation.

Desiree blinked several times, Sarah frowned. Fran, on the other hand, burst out laughing. "How about that. It looks like he's a tiny artist."

Spencer smiled, not seeing anything else but his son. "Yeah, I know."

"Derek." Sarah's voice was just a little bit tighter than usual, as was her expression. "I've… been meaning to talk to you about something. Could you walk me to the hotel?"

Derek frowned, cold shivers of dread going through him. What the hell was this about? "Yeah, of course." He glanced towards Spencer. Thankfully the man didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. "I'll be back in a bit."

Spencer nodded with a tiny smile. "'K. We'll try to clean up in the meantime."

Derek chuckled, looking around. "Good luck with that."

Once Derek and Sarah had left and Fran looked on Matthew as the child drew, careful not to step too close. Spencer focused on Desiree while the two attempted to clean up the mess. "Thanks, for the help." He looked down, watching how two colors mixed together on the floor. "Things… have been a bit crazy, lately."

"I can imagine." Desiree's voice was full of warmth but he also heard something else. Was she… nervous? She cleared her throat. "Though… I have to admit that Mattie wasn't the only reason why I wanted to come and see Derek. There's something I want to tell him."

Spencer looked at her, worried all of a sudden. "Is everything alright?"

She nodded quickly, emitting a nervous chuckle. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's perfect, actually. It's just that…" She took a deep breath, bringing a tender hand to her stomach. "In a few months Mattie won't be the only child in Derek's life."

* * *

The air wrapping around the Morgan siblings was surprisingly cold while they made their way through the streets, for the longest time deep in thought. In the end Derek chose to cut the chase. "So… What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

Sarah hesitated for the longest moment. She took a deep breat, bracing herself. "What we just saw… Is that your daily life?"

Derek shivered, instantly feeling defensive. "Well, not every day, but… Bad days happen." He didn't care to add how often.

Sarah nodded. "Matthew… I guess he can be quite a handful at times."

Derek frowned. He really, really didn't like where this seemed to be going. "Yeah. But he's autistic. That's to be expected."

"Of course, I understand that. He needs a lot of help, love and support. But Spencer… He seems to be a dedicated father."

"He is." Derek balled his fists, then opened them. What was this all about? "Mattie… Spencer loves him more than anything in this world."

"Then what does that leave you with?"

Derek's eyes narrowed. Rage bubbled in his chest. "I'm not in a competition against his own son, Sarah! Leave that thought right there."

"I will, but first I need you to _think_." She went on before he had the chance to stop her. "For all your life you've been telling me that you don't want children, that you just don't see yourself as a dad. And then… Then you were dragged into _this_. Spencer never asked your take or feelings, he just forced you in the middle of this with hiding the truth and let it all fall down on you. Suddenly a disabled child is thrown into your life and you're supposed to play the role of a step dad. You're expected to accept all this and just deal with it." Sarah's eyes were hard when they examined him. "You're terrified, lost and confused. And it kills me to see you that way."

Such a turmoil of emotions lit inside Derek that he didn't even notice that they'd reached the hotel. His eyes blazed and this time his fists didn't unclench. "I _love_ him, Sarah!"

Her eyebrow bounced up. "Enough to lead a life that isn't anything like you would've wanted? You may not feel that way in ten months or ten years." She began to move towards the hotel's entrance. "Remember that you have absolutely no obligation to stay in this charade. You deserve so much better than that chaos." So saying she entered the building, leaving Derek all alone into a thunderstorm of emotions.

* * *

TBC

* * *

(1) It's year 2013, so Emily's left and Alex has taken her place. (sobs and sighs) Let's hope that Alex Blake turns out to be a good character.

* * *

A/N: Ugh… Talking about a annoying, over protective sibling… (groans) Let's hope that Morgan won't let those nasty, ignorant words seep into his heart. (sighs) Well, at least the rest of the Morgan women took Mattie pretty well.

So, folks, the ball's in your court, now. It's time to let me know the verdict. Was that piece any good at all in your book, or should I just… well, demolish and reconstruct? Do let me know! It'd make me happier than you'll ever now.

Until next time, everyone! 'Hope you'll feel up to joining in then as well.

Peace out!


	6. Subzero

A/N: Hello, everybody! (grins) This chapter sort of sneaked up on me. We'll see just what wanted to be typed out…

But first, of course… THANK YOU, so so much, for all your love and reviews! There are so many of them already. (beams, and HUUUUUGS) I love ya guys, you know? You make it easy to type for you.

Awkay… Before my mind changes about all this I'm just going to cut the chase. I really hope that you'll enjoy this one!

* * *

Subzero

* * *

_June 30th, 2013_

* * *

In the end Derek was forced to go back to work. Erin Strauss' order was simple and stone hard – according to her a family emergency can only take for so long. Due to his broken wrist Spencer was still on a sick leave, which meant that for the most part he was home alone with Matthew.

Or well, perhaps not entirely alone. As soon as she heard of their situation Fran announced that she had absolutely no reason to hurry back home. Even though she knew next to nothing about autistic children she was the mother of three, whom she raised all alone for several years. She was more than excited to fuss around Spencer's apartment, making it look like she didn't even notice the genius' slight awkwardness around her. Desiree and Sarah stayed behind as well, which meant that all of a sudden Spencer's life was full of estrogen. It was quite possibly even more terrifying than the reality of being a special needs child's full time parent.

That late afternoon Spencer's thoughts were, for once, not on his son but on his partner. The day before the team had taken off towards Milwaukee for a case. He didn't know the details, of course, but from the look in Derek's eyes when they said goodbye he could tell that it was a bad one. Since then there hadn't been a word and Spencer was slowly losing himself into the dangerous swamp of worst case scenarios. It was the most horrible feeling in the world, to not know exactly where the one he loved was and if he was going to come back home safely. It placed a very unpleasant taste into his mouth.

Spencer was barely aware of what he was doing until he felt a extremely sharp stab of pain on his finger. He hissed, instinctively looking down. The knife that'd been supposed to chop vegetables had cut his finger instead. He groaned.

_Typical…_

"Spencer?" Fran, who'd been cooking some pasta nearby, was instantly alerted. "Did you hurt yourself?"

Spencer swallowed, feeling even more pathetic than he did a couple of moments ago. He tried to hide the finger. "It's just a scratch."

Fran didn't appear convinced. "Let me see that." She sighed while beginning to tend to him like only a mother can. "Derek wasn't lying when he said that you're accident prone, dear." All of a sudden her eyes were on him, sharp and observant. Like those of a profiler on duty. "You've seemed distracted. I certainly hope that it's because of my son."

A slight amount of heat appeared to his cheeks. He looked down towards his by then bandaged finger and twisted it although the motion hurt. "I'm… just not used to not going with him."

Fran gave him a sad smile. "I can imagine. Back when Derek's dad was still alive…" She sighed and took a deep breath. "When Derek announced that he'd follow in his dad's footsteps it took all I had not to slap him."

Spencer couldn't help smiling at that.

He was just planning on continuing cooking when footsteps entered the room. The look on Sarah's face made him feel uncomfortable inside his own skin. "Matthew's waking up. He's coughing a lot."

Spencer frowned, worry forming a ball into his stomach. Matthew had been sleepier than usual that morning but he'd blamed it on the tantrum that took until two in the morning to subside. He was on his way towards the child's room in an instant. "Does he have fever?"

Sarah shook her head. "I don't think so. I haven't checked yet, though."

By then they were already standing by the doorway of Matthew's room. The child was curled up in his bed, firmly under blankets. There was a somewhat spaced out look in his half closed eyes. The sound of those wheezing coughs tore Spencer's chest.

His son was _not_ fine.

It hurt, more than he'd ever be able to vocalize, that even in this situation he couldn't touch the child, couldn't offer any comfort. Trying hard not to become choked up he sat slowly to the bedside, placing one of his hands testingly only an inch from his son. The child didn't touch it, didn't seem to even really acknowledge it. But at least Matthew knew that he wasn't alone anymore. Ever so slowly the child's eyes closed fully and there, under his father's watchful eyes, sleep came.

Spencer was by no means calming down just yet. His already tensed up muscles didn't loosen at all when Sarah spoke all of a sudden. "Look… I've been meaning to talk to you about something." He felt her eyes on him even though his eyes remained on his son. "It's only natural that any parent does whatever they can for their child. He's the first priority in your life."

Spencer swallowed, shifting with discomfort. Was he… accused of something? It took a while before he managed to squeeze words. "He is."

Sarah's whole demeanor changed, making the room's temperature drop several degrees. Was it a minute or a year later when she finally spoke? "I'm going to be fully honest with you, Spencer." Her eyes were piercing. "Right now you're the most important person in this entire world to my brother. I've always been protective of him – that's why I'm very worried."

Spencer frowned, feeling a sudden urge to shield his son from her sight. "Why would you worry?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly, most likely without her even noticing it. "Because Derek deserves hell a lot more than this madness you've pulled him into. You should understand that if you love him as much as he loves you."

Spencer felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice cold water on him. His toes and fingers felt numb. There wasn't even a single coherent thought inside his head. Only static.

And then the apartment's doorbell rang. Spencer heard through a thick fog how Fran opened the apartment's door and Desiree walked in with light, excited steps. "_Are you ready to see the first pictures of my little angel?_"

* * *

_July 1st, 2013_

* * *

Derek came back home from a case at the break of dawn. It was… suspiciously quiet. With Spencer and Matthew it shouldn't have been that quiet.

He frowned, scanning through Spencer's aparment with his eyes. His skin crawled. "Spence? Baby? Mattie? Are you guys home?"

Only the soft hum of a refrigerator answered him.

Derek was sadly aware of how easily trouble seemed to find his younger lover. That's why he was on the verge of having a small panic attack until a key was twisted in the apartment's door before it was pushed open. In came a visibly tired Spencer, who looked like he'd seen a ghost upon spotting him. In a matter of seconds the look of stun turned into a radiant smile and he was pulled into a huge, tight hug. "'Sorry. I was supposed to be here when you come back."

Derek hugged back, inhaling the familiar scent of his partner. "You have no idea of how much I've missed you", he sighed. Then, with the emotional turmoil easing slightly, he frowned. "Where… were you, anyway?"

Appearing far from happy Spencer showed him a small pharmacy's plastic bag. "Mattie's got a cold. I had to get him some medicine." Seeing his look of worry the younger man nodded towards the boy's room. "Go and take a look."

That he did, followed closely by Spencer. What he found brought a smile to his face. There, in his bed, Matthew was curled up for warmth and fast asleep. The child's cheeks were slightly red from fever. On a chair beside the bed sat Desiree, also sleeping. One of her hands was very close to the child's while the other rested on her belly.

Yes. If Derek had had any doubts and fears whatsoever before now he knew for sure. His sister was going to be a fantastic mother.

"Sarah took your mom to do some shopping, to give her the chance to unwind", Spencer explained in a whisper, careful not to disturb the two. "Desiree promised to stay here in the meantime."

Still smiling Derek closed the door, leaving the two to rest. In an instant his eyes were on Spencer, who'd never once let go of his hand. "So…", he started in a purring tone that definitely had a meaning. "Are you going to welcome me properly?"

Spencer didn't hesitate for even a second.

* * *

As it turned out the rest of the day wasn't quite as pleasant. Almost as soon as the two were finished with their… activities and Desiree had left Matthew started throwing up. Such a reaction of his body startled the child quite badly, causing him to have nothing short of a panic attack that made him throw up all over again. If there was some sort of a bitter humorous edge to two adults running around after a autistic, nauseous and feverish child he failed to see it. Derek felt a tiny pulse of relief that made him hate himself when the chaos finally ended with Matthew tripping down and getting a nosebleed.

At the end of it all it was finally quiet, at very least, as they sat on the living room's floor. Or well, Spencer and he sat leaning against the couch while Matthew was fast asleep on the floor before them, pale and shivering slightly in his sleep. The fever was most likely spiking up. There were traces of tears on the child's cheeks but the adults fough desperately to keep themselves from crying. The smell of blood and vomit refused to leave Derek's nose. Some red still stained the child's face, clashing violently against his innocence.

"Derek… What are we doing?" Spencer whispered in the end.

Derek's mouth opened and he hoped from the bottom of his heart that he'd managed to produce words of strength and encouragement. Instead all he could whisper back was a barely audible "I don't know". He'd never felt as scared in his life.

Spencer's quivering fingers slipped through his. He held back with the sheer power of despair.

* * *

_July 4th, 2013_

* * *

JJ had been a mom long enough to develop a certain sixth sense when it came to detecting trouble before she faced it. Her senses tingled when she knocked on Spencer's door that afternoon, only to realize that it was open. Spencer _never_ left his door open. "Spence?" she called out somewhat cautiously, suddenly wishing that she'd taken her gun along although the whole team was on a day off. "Derek?" No answer. Fighting the urge to panic she barged right in – to find a sight she certainly had _not_ expected.

There on the couch sat Spencer, his face buried into his hands and trembling slightly. The man's hair was a mess and he looked ready to break down right there and then. He'd also lost weight, she noticed with a great deal of alarm. With how slim he'd always been she hadn't seen it before but now it was blatantly obvious. Had Derek noticed?

She swallowed, barely daring to approach. "Spence?"

He shivered, clearly not having even noticed her before. He appeared embarrassed while wiping his eyes and fighting desperately to smile. "Hi. I… I'm sorry, but… The playdate will have to wait. Mattie's still sick. I took him to a doctor this morning. He was screaming and crying all night but he's finally sleeping, now."

JJ tried not to wince. _Oh no…_ She then looked around. "Where's Derek?"

Spencer looked away but she noticed it. Guilt and pain, a great deal of it. "He… had to go and walk Clooney. The poor dog's been neglected lately." He then swallowed. And finally, finally the confession came from deep within his heart and soul. "Mattie… Mattie scratched and kicked him, this morning, when we had to pull him from underneath the bed to take him to the doctor. I've… I've seen him like that before, but…" The words faded away as tears filled the man's eyes. He tried to wipe them away but wasn't fast enough.

Her heart breaking into tiny pieces JJ approached, then took a seat beside her dear friend. Not even thinking about it she grabbed his hand and squeezed, tightly. "Look, Spence… Mattie isn't like the other kids. And now he's delirious from fever. Derek understands."

Spencer's sigh sounded like a strangled gasp. "He shouldn't have to."

Deciding to divert the conversation elsewhere JJ glanced towards the closed door of Mattie's room. "So… What did the doctor say?"

Spencer sighed, rubbing his face with both hands. Suddenly he looked very old. "That I'm over reacting. He focused on me with all his questions. My career and its affects on me, my absence from Mattie's life, my relationship with Derek, the fact that Mattie now lives with two men, how he ended up living with me in the first place…" The man gulped, seeming ready to throw up. "He… He basically told me that I'm a hazard to my son. That I'm not fit to be a parent."

This time JJ did wince. No parent should have to go through that when their child was sick and possibly needed help. She squeezed his hand even more tightly. "I… I'm so sorry, Spence."

Spencer nodded faintly. "I know."

The two of them sat in a silence for the longest time until JJ finally decided that enough was enough. "I don't know everything about your relationship so you can tell me if I'm wrong, but… I know _you_ pretty well. These complications with Derek… They're eating you up alive. And right now you're sitting here when you could have some one on one time to talk things through."

Spencer frowned, a troubled look in his eyes. "But Mattie…"

She smiled. "I'm happy to keep an eye on him for a couple of hours. Henry's spending a little time with Will in the meantime." She grew slightly more serious. "Trust me when I say this, Spence, because this is one of those few situations in which I know more than you do. The more taboos and unresolved things there are between you the more distance you create. I care about you two too much to let that happen."

* * *

The celebration day's far from good start was weighing Derek's mind as well. That's why his head was full of troubled thoughts when he entered his own apartment. Clooney nearly took him down with excitement as soon as he'd entered.

Derek chuckled, petting the canine's head. "I guess you've been seeing too little of me lately, haven't you? I'm sorry, old boy." He petted the dog again, earning a extremely satisfied bark. "What do you say if we'd take a walk, just the two of us? Then we'll go and spend the night with _papi_-Spence and Mattie."

If the dog hadn't been excited before it certainly was now. Derek almost tripped over the hyperactive animal on his way to get a leash. He'd just found it when the doorbell rang. Derek frowned. Wasn't Spencer supposed to be home with Matthew? Why wasn't the man using the key he'd given him?

Derek found it hard to hold back a chuckle when he found Clooney practically bouncing behind the door. "Calm down, okay? You know how easy it is for you to scare him."

The one standing behind the door wasn't Spencer, though. It was Sarah. There was a unreadable look on his sister's face.

Derek stiffened slightly, their latest conversation still far too clear and fresh in his mind. "Not today, Sarah. Please."

She didn't retreat. "I want to talk to you, alright? And either I'll do it here in the hallway or inside your apartment."

The last thing Derek wanted was to share his family's sore spots with his neighbors. That's why he let her inside although everything inside him screamed against it and closed the door. Instead of facing her, however, he strode towards the bedroom. "If you came here to insult Spencer all over again you can walk away right now. I'm done listening to that load of crap."

"What does it take to make you understand that I'm only doing this because I care about you?" In the bedroom she grabbed his arm, managing to brush the exact spot Matthew had kicked particularly hard. He shivered at the pain her touch caused and she noticed. "Derek?" Her voice was genuinely worried. "Are you… okay?"

Derek gritted his teeth, not wanting to voice what he had to. "Mattie… just had a very bad tantrum when Spencer was taking him to the doctor this morning." He didn't like the look that appeared into his sister's eyes. "It's not a big deal, Sarah."

Sarah's eyes widened with disbelief, then narrowed once more. "He hurt you physically and my guess is that it's not the first time. And you're telling me that it's nothing?"

Derek felt ready to explode with frustration and anger. He had to breathe several times before he trusted himself enough to talk. "He's a sick child, Sarah! Delirious from fever and scared out of his mind. You can't seriously be blaming him!"

"I'm not blaming anyone. I'm trying to make you understand that this life isn't doing you any good." She wiped her eyes with a unsteady hand. "With… With everything you've been through you deserve peace and harmony. Don't you see that? You deserve a life where you don't have to be careful with your every word and move, afraid that you'll set someone off."

Derek's heart was beating so fast that he didn't know how much more it'd be able to take. It was racing, raging, breaking. "What good would any of that be if I'd live with someone I don't even love?"

Sarah's eyes were full of despair. "You'd learn to love someone else. Someone with hell a lot less package."

Derek felt like someone had punched him and he actually shuddered, his eyes narrowing. It took a very long moment before he managed to speak. "Sarah… You're my sister and I love you, I really do. But right now… Right now I can't even look at you. So leave, before one of us says something that can't be taken back."

Sarah shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere, Derek. I'm not finished yet." She took a step closer although he must've radiated threat. "Do you know why I'm so desperate to get you out of this before it's too late? Why I can't stand looking at you like this?"

Derek's eyebrow twitched. If she wouldn't stop this…! "I guess you're about to tell me", he bit out far more harshly than he'd meant to.

Sarah wasn't startled. Instead she looked at him directly to his eyes. "Because I don't want you to become a victim again."

Derek's very first reaction was to gag dryly, several times, as memories flashed through his mind – dark clips he should've forgotten long ago, moments Spencer had helped leave behind. Then he slammed his fist forward, so that it hit the wall right next to his sister's head. "You… have no right to say something like that", he snarled.

Sarah took a deep breath, appearing slightly startled but not ready to back down. A slight distance away Clooney growled, then whined, clearly not understanding how it was supposed to take the situation. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again, Derek. I love you too much to let that happen all over again. I love you enough to make you hate me if it's necessary."

Derek swallowed thickly, guilt washing over him along with exhaustion, rage and several other feelings he wasn't ready to process yet. "I could never hate you. You know that." His eyes narrowed, though. "Spencer is always going to be in my life, Sarah. It's my own choice and you'll have to respect that. No love affair is ever easy but I want to face those challenges – with both him and Mattie."

Sarah sighed, clearly exasperated. "That's always been the problem with you. You don't know when to give up on something before it's too late."

In the middle of their argument the siblings failed to hear that at some point the apartment's door was opened, the steps approaching, the door closing once more. When they finally left the room over an hour later, still snarling at each other, they also didn't notice how Clooney sat right before the front door, staring at it longingly and whining loudly.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh dear… Talking about drama. (sighs) It was hard for me to write this. I hate it when such loving families (the Morgans, Morgan/Reid/Mattie) have all those enormous complications. (winces) Who hard the siblings fighting? Are Spencer and Derek going to get through this together?

Soooo, fine crème brûlée or grande poop? **PLEASE**, leave a note and tell me your verdict! It'd mean a lot to get this story some love. (gives puppy's eyes)

I really hope that I'll see you all next time! This story's leapt over the halfway mark, so we'll see what unfolds next…

Peace out!

* * *

**Guest**: 'Glad to hear you liked it! (beams)

I agree, actually. Sarah's a very protective person, possibly even more so than Derek. Let's just hope that things work out for the best in the end, without too much heartbreak and tears. The last thing those three need is even more drama in their lives.

Colossal thank yous for the review!

* * *

**Guest **(2): Quite a mess, no? (sighs) Awww, Fran's such a grandmom! (grins) We'll see what's up ahead that family next…

Massive thank yous for the review!


	7. A Cure For the Itch

A/N: I'm a few days late and I'm so sorry! My head's just been… in a weird place lately. (groans) BUT, the new chapter IS finally here! Perhaps that keeps you from being mad at me for too long…?

At first, of course… THANK YOU, so, so, so much, for all those absolutely amazing reviews! I can't believe that there's so many of them! (beams) You can't even imagine how happy you've made me. So thank you!

Awkay… Before I chicked out let's het on with the story, shall we? (gulps) I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

A Cure For the Itch

* * *

_July 4th, 2013_

* * *

Walking through a already dark park Derek really, truly wanted to go home. Not into his own apartment, but to Spencer and Matthew. He wondered when his definition of home had changed so dramatically. It was far from perfect – almost impossibly hard sometimes, really – but during the past three lonely hours that was where he wanted to go. He didn't have the slightest clue of what his future was going to be like, if he'd really be able to take all there was in front of him on his chosen path, but being without was no longer an option. It was a need, burned in his veins like some sort of acid. Burned in his head, made his skin itch.

Did he really want to go back to Spencer and Matthew or was that sheer need driving him?

Was this what Spencer's addiction felt like?

Was such a _need_, dependency, healthy?

It was fortunate, perhaps, that he didn't have the chance to follow the dark trail of that thought any further. For at that very moment his cell phone rang. He fully expected it to be Spencer. Instead he discovered that it was his mother calling.

He took a deep breath before picking up. "Look, if this is about Sarah…"

"_It's not._" The tone of his mother's voice, along with the fact that she didn't ask what'd happened between Sarah and him, alerted him instantly. Was that a sob? "_It's… It's Desiree. She started having contractions. We're… We're at the hospital._"

Derek felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him. His heart stopped for two seconds before beginning to rush madly. He swallowed thickly but his voice still sounded off, shaky. "I… I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

* * *

Especially since finding out that he had a son Spencer had found it very easy to discover things to hang on to whenever cravings set in. He had his mother. He had his team. He had Derek. He had a child who was in a desperate need for one adult who'd stay in his life as a constant.

That night, however, he stood alone in a much too familiar street corner while rockets lit up the sky and people celebrated everywhere around him. He'd never felt as cold in his life. Although the fracture wasn't fresh anymore his wrist _hurt_, so much that he had to fight a whimper. His head hurt as well while it filled with poison.

He'd been told that he didn't love Derek enough.

That day he'd been deemed to be a unfit parent.

And those words he'd heard Sarah say, the woman comparing him to the man who scarred Derek beyond all repair…

Spencer wouldn't have needed an eidetic memory to have all that burned right into his mind, raw, fresh and tender.

As he stood there he gasped, one hand on his burning and aching throat, tears stinging his eyes but not spilling. He felt like he'd been suffocating, buried alive. He'd never felt so throughoutly lost in his life.

No one approached him yet but he felt eyes on him. Observing, wondering – trying to determine if he was a potential client. Spencer stiffened, the cold he'd been feeling all too clearly before intensifying still. There was a whisper in the air while wind blew past his ear. He gritted his teeth and folded his arms to his chest. Steps began to approach, slowly and suavely. His chest tightened considerably.

Was this what it felt like before? How many times did he do this? Was it the drugs or time that'd erased those memories from his mind? Was he really going to do this after such a long, hard fight?

And then his cell phone started ringing, startling both him and the one approaching. He had to clear his throat before he could even consider picking up. "Y-Yeah?"

"_I… I know that you needed time with Derek, but…_" JJ's voice was nearly frantic. Made him feel like he'd been hit by a pile of bricks. "_Mattie… He started having seizures so I took him to the hospital. He's… He's scared, Spence, and his fever is really high. He needs you._"

In all, full honesty Spencer couldn't tell if he said another word. One moment her words were echoing and bouncing inside his head. And then he was running.

Away from the ghosts of the past, and towards the shadows of the present.

* * *

When Derek barged into the waiting room Fran and Sarah were already there. He exchanged a meaningful, dark look with his sister but neither of them said a word. That wasn't the time or place for continuing their 'talk'.

Fran was sitting there with her head buried into both hands, her fingers crossed in a prayer. Sarah cleared her throat before speaking quietly. "They… They were able to stop the contractions, for now at least. But… She's about two centimeters dilated. It's a touch and go."

Derek nodded numbly. This… couldn't be real, right? This had to be one of his nightmares. "Have you seen her yet?"

Sarah shook her head. "They gave her medication so she's sleeping. She needs rest. They'll let us know if anything changes."

Derek couldn't even nod. Instead he slumped to the seat right next to their mother's while Sarah kept occupying her other side. And there the remaining Morgans sat in utter silence, waited on while minutes stretched on and blurred together.

Derek's faith wasn't strong – it'd been tried too often and far too hard. But at that very moment he pushed all of his doubts aside for the sake of his sister. He closed his eyes, followed his mother's example and crossed his fingers.

And waited.

* * *

Spencer ran faster than ever in his life as he made his way to the children's ward of the hospital, his eyes searching frantically until he saw JJ standing there, leaning against a wall with her arms wrapped to her chest. Hard as he tried he couldn't read the look on her face. He couldn't tell if his son was alright.

She looked up upon hearing his steps and straightened her form. "Hey." She nodded towards a nearby room. "He's… sleeping now. Apparently they've finally managed to get his fever down a little bit."

Spencer swallowed. It didn't erase the horrible taste. "Mattie… He's old for febrile seizures."

JJ nodded, her eyes softening. "I know. That's why they're running all those tests, just to be sure." She seemed to consider for a while before revealing the rest. "That doctor you took him to earlier clearly didn't do his job right. They say that Mattie has a pneumonia."

Those words swept over Spencer like hurricane. Hard as he tried he couldn't blame the doctor, not really. He could only blame himself.

He was the one who didn't push hard enough. He who hadn't fought ferociously enough for his son. And when Matthew would've needed him desperately he'd been…

His feet were no longer enough to support his weight. He slid to the floor, his face buried into his hands. He gasped on his way down, not managing to pull in even a single proper breath. His chest was on fire.

His head was buzzing so loudly that he barely heard JJ. "Hey… It's not your fault, Spence. It's not your fault."

Spencer couldn't tell if the moisture on his face was sweat or tears. His whole body quaked while he sat there, his head spinning madly. His heart was hammering beyond all human limitations, making him fear that it might jump right out. His lungs screamed for air.

All he'd wanted was to make a family out of the three of them. Now Derek was fighting with his own sister. Matthew was sick and in a hospital, overwhelmed and absolutely terrified. Everything had become a huge mess.

He was sick of making everyone's life so hard.

He didn't feel JJ's hand. "_Spence!_"

He was almost glad when the dark came, wiping away everything else.

* * *

Derek had no idea of how long they'd been waiting before a woman of his age with long, red hair and brown eyes made her way to them. Dr. Alton. "How's Desiree?" Sarah demanded instantly.

The doctor didn't appear overly optimistic but smiled slightly anyhow. "Things are very much stable, at least for now. I wouldn't say that we're out of the woods yet but for now there's no immediate threat."

Derek cleared his throat, trying to clear his head as well when he realized that he'd have to be the one to do all the talking. "So… What now?"

Dr. Alton sighed. "Well, if this ends well she'll have to stay in bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy. I've understood that she lives elsewhere but I wouldn't advice traveling in her current condition." She tried to smile. "Let's take one step at a time."

"Can I see her?" For some reason they were all surprised to hear Fran's voice. The woman was already on her feet, a look of steely determination in her eyes. "I'm… I'm her mom. I have to be there when she needs me."

Dr. Alton hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "This is against the policy but somehow I've got a feeling that this is a good time to break some rules. I'll show you to her room."

About ten seconds after the two had disappeared Derek was finally able to breathe. He buried his face in his hands, his thoughts spinning madly. It wasn't until then he realized just how terrified he'd been.

His little sister, and the tiny baby inside her…

"Derek." Sarah's voice was tight, urgent. She gulped when he looked her way. "I… know that this is a horrible time, but… I'm glad that you were here, despite everything."

Derek's jaw tightened. "She's my sister, Sarah. Where else would I be?"

"I know." He'd already turned around and began to walk away when Sarah spoke once more. "I love you, you know?"

Despite all the conflicted emotions twirling inside him Derek sighed. And then spoke the only words that came to his mind, despite everything. "I love you, too."

Derek decided that he needed a long walk to sort out his head. He'd already made it to the building's first floor and out of the elevator when he saw familiar figure rushing towards the main entrance. His eyes widened before he frowned. "JJ?"

* * *

Spencer had a dream. A very strange, terrifyingly vivid dream.

At first he was walking on a beach. He was all alone, the sand underneath his feet was warm, soft and milky white. The waves came close to his feet but never touched. There wasn't a single sound, his head was blissfully empty of all thoughts. Everything was calm.

Until he saw a little boy about twenty steps away, on a cliff. A lonely little boy with hazel eyes, brown hair and large eyeglasses looking right at him. The boy was Spencer Reid as not older than at the age of just five.

Suddenly the waves came closer and closer, bigger and bigger, until they swallowed him up completely. He opened his mouth but couldn't produce a sound. And then the waves took him under, carried him so far and deep that there was no hope of him finding his way out. The last thing he saw was the younger version of himself.

The water was pitch black and colder than ice. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move. All that fit into his head was the absolute, horrifying realization that he was going to die.

His eyes flew open the exact moment his heart stopped beating in that dream.

As usual after nightmares he expected to find himself from his own bed. From his own familiar apartment, from the one place where he felt completely safe. To discover that the nightmare was finally over.

Instead, however, he met the all too familiar sterile reek of a hospital. His eyes darted around frantically, stinging from all the white around him. They froze upon meeting Derek, who'd taken a seat as close to him as possible. 'Worry' was nowhere near a word enough to describe the look in the man's eyes. It was sheer terror.

Spencer swallowed and frowned, desperately trying to determine where the line between bad dreams and reality lingered. It turned out to be impossible. "What's… going on?" And then, as though he'd been hit by a bolt of lightning, he remembered. His eyes flew wide and he struggled to sit up. "Mattie… How's Mattie?"

Finally Derek moved. It'd been terrifying to see his partner so very still. A gentle hand was placed to his chest just as he was finally managing in his efforts. "Mattie's fine, okay? His fever is coming down and he's on antibiotics. He's asleep in the children's ward."

A surprisingly sharp flash of relief later Spencer was attempting to move once more. His paternal instincts, it seemed, had kicked in although he wasn't fully conscious yet. "He's there all alone. I've gotta…"

"According to his doctor he'll be sleeping for a while." Derek's eyes sharpened ever so slightly. "Right now we need to focus on you for a moment."

Spencer frowned. What was this all about? "Why?"

"Because according to JJ and your doctor you had a panic attack, then passed out." Derek leaned closer with a look that unnerved him in his eyes. The man looked like he'd been preparing for a interrogation. "They drew your blood. Based on your blood levels it looks like you haven't been eating properly in a while. You've also lost weight."

Spencer's left eyebrow twitched and he shuddered slightly. He'd been picked on about his weight since he was a child. He was not in the mood for having this conversation all over again. "You've been practically living with me for months, especially since Mattie came into the picture. You've seen for yourself that I do eat."

Derek growled, rubbing his face with one hand. "How would I be able to tell when I've been out on cases so much lately?" Once again those eyes were on him. "You're the one of us with a eidetic memory. So tell me, when's the last time you ate or slept properly?"

Spencer was _trapped_. He knew that even though he tried to come up with plausible arguments with the sheer power of his stubbornness. His head hurt and buzzed too much for that. "I'm… tired." That, at least, was honest. He looked at his partner, took in the man's appearance. Reddened and moist eyes, slumped shoulders, the all too visible tension… "And I can tell that so are you." By then he was shaking but not out of exhaustion. They were tremors of such terror he'd never, ever felt before. It was the most horrifying thing he'd ever done, to smash something that meant the world to him to pieces. "We're both tired of all this drama."

Derek appeared confused, worried, scared and furious. "We've had it rough lately. But that's not a reason to walk out on a relationship."

Spencer's breathing pattern was becoming unhealthy. If he'd have another panic attack… "I'm not walking out on us."

"Then why the hell are you giving me a breakup speech?"

"Please, listen to me this time!" Spencer had wanted to cry for quite a while. Now the tears were finally filling his eyes. "I… I can't keep doing this, Derek! You and Mattie… Don't you see what this is doing to you? Because I do and I… I can't stand it. I love you two too much to just stand by and look at it."

Derek frowned, appearing genuinely terrified. "Spence, _you_ listen to _me_! I love you, alright? And I don't… I don't even know what I'd do without you."

Spencer wiped his eyes. It didn't do much good. "I love you, too. But… I can't take what this all is doing to us." He swallowed, words swimming through his head. "I can't just pour all of this on you at once – I should've known that from the start. You _or_ Mattie. Not when it's obvious that you don't have any idea of what you want."

Something he didn't recognize flashed on Derek's face. "She talked to you, too, didn't she?" The man sighed. "If this is about Sarah…"

Spencer shook his head. By then the tears weren't running anymore. Maybe he was too tired. "This is about us, alright? All about us." He swallowed. The following words were some of the hardest he'd ever spoken. "We need time and space. A timeout."

For a moment, two, for eternity, a frosty silence hung upon them. Then Derek spoke in a clipped tone the man had never used on him before. "How long?"

Spencer shook his head. How the hell was he supposed to know? And to be honest he was scared to death that no amount of time would be enough.

He fully expected Derek to yell and scream, to start a fight. The man did nothing such. Instead the older agent got up with such speed that he shivered with startle, then stormed out of the room and slammed the door as loudly as he could. Derek disappeared without a single glance backwards.

Spencer really, truly wanted nothing more than to just fall apart completely. To grieve what he'd just let go of. But at the moment he couldn't give himself such luxury. Defying dizziness and the weakness of his legs he forced himself up. After gathering himself for a long moment he took a firm, steely determined hold on his IV pole and struggled his way out of the room. People cast him weird looks as he made his way to the elevator and pushed himself towards the children's ward but fortunately no one asked a thing. It might've been too much for him.

Spencer had been preparing himself for the worst before entering Matthew's room. But he still felt like he'd been punched as the sight greeted him. His eyes watered once more.

Matthew… He looked so very small and frail, so out of place, in that huge bed…

Spencer would've wanted to hold his son more than he'd ever wanted anything. But even in his barely coherent state of mind he knew that it was a bad idea. That's why he smothered all his paternal instincts and chose the chair by the child's bed instead of laying down next to his son.

There, slumped to a painfully uncomfortable chair, Spencer brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He looked on as the little boy who meant the world to him slept on, shivering from fever and perhaps fear. And he felt like the weight of the world had been lifted to his shoulders.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh my gosh… Those three are having it so rough now, aren't they? (winces) Let's hope that there's still a chance for them, even after all this. (sighs)

Soooo… What's the verdict? Was that any good at all? **PLEASE**, leave a review and let me know your thoughts and feelings! It'd be so cool to hear how you feel about this. (gives puppy's eyes)

I'm in a LOT of hurry right now so I've gotta go. (winces) I REALLY hope that I'll be seeing ya all next time!

Peace out!

* * *

**Guest** (1): I'm so glad to hear you think so! (grins)

Huget hank yous for the review!

* * *

**Guest** (2): I'm so, so happy and humbled to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far so much although I can imagine that it hasn't been the easiest read. (beams)

Let's hope that there's a happy ending ahead of our little family. They'd deserve it. (sighs)

Colossal thank yous for the review!


	8. After the Storm

A/N: Ah, I'm back to a regular updating rhythm! (beams) This chapter was a bit of a challenge but in the end this was what my mind threw together. (grins sheepishly)

Thank you, so much and beyond, for you reviews! (GLOMPS) It feels better than you could ever imagine to know that this story is loved. (beams) I REALLY hope that the rest won't disappoint you, either.

Awkay… Before I chicken out let's get to the business, yeah? Let's what happens next with those three…

* * *

After the Storm

* * *

_July 13th, 2013_

* * *

A sigh echoed in the shadowy apartment. Slumping to the couch Spencer felt like someone had ran him over with a truck. The past days had been a thunder, emotionally and physically.

Matthew had recovered from his pneumonia with no further complications than a persistent hacking cough. The doctors were still in the process on determining whether the boy had epilepsia so the ordeal wasn't quite over yet. But today Spencer had finally been able to take his son home. Spencer himself… He'd never been as tired in his life. Because of his recent 'situation' Dr. Dana Mulder wanted to keep a close eye on him, which meant regular visits to the hospital. He'd never been weighed as frequently as he was now and apparently the doctor wasn't happy with his development. Spencer wanted to march right out of her office after every new session. What was he supposed to do when his body refused to gain weight? He was eating properly. Wasn't he? He had a lot more important things to worry about.

At least the cast that'd been decorating his wrist had finally been taken off and he'd been allowed to start physical therapy. The wrist was by no means strong enough for taking care of a special needs child like Matthew but he was getting there. Soon it wouldn't even be hurting anymore.

As for the emotional side… Well, it could've been hell a lot better. The fear over losing Matthew faded away at least a little bit when he got his son home but there was a dark cloud of uncertainty hanging over their future. And Derek… He would've given just about anything if he would've had the man by his side through all this. But this was how things needed to be now. He liked to think that Derek, at very least, was happy. It was the only comfort he had.

Spencer didn't have any idea of how long he'd been sitting there until he finally felt that his body was able to function again. His feet moved on autopilot, leading him to the doorway of Matthew's room. The child was sitting on the floor, drawing something. Spencer frowned and peered closer. What he saw made his heart break just a little bit further. Matthew had drawn three figures. Himself. Spencer. Derek. He must've sensed that something was missing.

Spencer swallowed thickly, feeling a great deal of moisture in his eyes. "Mattie… I'm sorry that Derek can't be here, now. I'm sorry." Hearing his voice the child stopped drawing, only stared at the picture with something that looked a lot like sadness. Deciding that his son needed something else to think about Spencer made sure that the room was as dark as possible, then made his way as close to the boy as he dared to. Matthew tensed up slightly but made no move to withdraw. It encouraged Spencer further. "Do you want to see something beautiful?"

There was a tiny lamp on the floor, right before them. Spencer switched it on and in a flash lights could be seen on the room's ceiling. Stars. Constellations.

For several moments Matthew only stared, throughoutly mesmerized. Then, as though in a slowed motion, the child lay down, clearly deciding that he could see better that way. Spencer soon followed his son's example, careful not to get too close. That's how they lay for who knows how long, watching as the stars and shapes kept spinning around endlessly. And for a moment no troubles and hurt existed in their world.

* * *

In Jackson, Mississippi, night fell and the stars came out to play. Despite how late it was getting Derek felt no hurry to get back to the hotel. His eyes were dark, almost haunted, as he watched how the sky lived above him.

He didn't know how long he'd been there until steps approached him from behind. He tensed up until JJ's familiar voice spoke. "Shouldn't you be going to the hotel to get some rest?"

Derek felt a slash of pain that nearly made him wince. "Hmh." He then glanced towards JJ. She looked tired, worried. He wasn't surprised. This case was taking its toll on all of them. "Did you read Henry a bedtime story?"

JJ nodded, even tried to smile. "Yeah. He refused to go to bed without it."

Derek nodded and looked away, feeling a twinge of envy he wasn't proud of. The longing that'd never quite left him intensified tenfold, gnawed his heart and soul. And at that very moment he couldn't control himself any longer.

JJ was already walking away when he spoke out. "How… are they?" It was the first time since those events in the hospital he asked of Spencer. The first time he unleashed the ball that'd been building up in the pit of his stomach.

JJ froze. It took a mighty while before she spoke. "Mattie's home and getting better. But Spence is… not doing well. It's not easy." She hesitated. "He misses you."

Derek snorted, the bitterness bringing a foul taste into his mouth. "Then why the hell did he leave me in the first place?" he spat out. He scratched his jaw and cheeks which he'd neglected shaving. It was a new stress reaction. "If he misses me so damn much, then why?"

JJ sighed like a mother who was tired of watching her child having a tantrum. "I'm not the one who can answer that question", she pointed out. She then sighed. "C'mon, I'm giving you a ride to the hotel."

He followed her without a sound, deep in thought. The falling night was dark and silent around them. The sky kept spinning and living like nothing had ever changed.

* * *

_July 15th, 2013_

* * *

When Spencer came to the hospital that day he wasn't directed to Dr. Mulder, not even to his physical therapist. Instead social worker Amanda Welsh was waiting for him. Despite the fact that the young, tiny woman with long black hair looked far from threatening with her twinkling brown eyes and bright smile Spencer blanched. His heart nearly stilled in his chest.

This was it. They were going to take Matthew away, weren't they? They'd…

Amanda spoke, cutting that frantic trail of thought. "Let me assure you, I didn't come here to take Mattie away from you. I only came here because your doctor is worried about your wellbeing and thinks that you need help."

Spencer swallowed thickly, slumping to a chair almost defeatedly. Those words didn't reassure him at all. "I'm fine." That wasn't convincing even to his own ears.

Amanda wasn't convinced, either. She sighed, leaning closer. "Spencer, I'm not a threat. I'm only trying to help you and your son. From what I've learned I've understood that Mattie's had quite a bit of changes and chaos in his life. I don't want to see him losing a yet another family when all the pressure breaks you. Because that's what's going to happen if you don't accept help."

Spencer was still stiff but some of the fear eased. He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair, only then realizing that he hadn't combed them that day. "I… have friends who help. But… They have their own lives. I can't bother them all the time." He took a deep, shuddering breath, suddenly exhausted. "I'm… tired." It was the first time he admitted it out loud. And he was scared to death of what admitting such would cause.

To his surprise Amanda's eyes were soft, not judgemental. "I can see that even though I'm not a profiler. That's exactly why I'm here to offer you help." She handed a sheet of paper towards him. Was that… a resume? "I happen to have a friend who works as a… well, let's say nanny with the lack of a better term. She has a lot of experience on autistic children. If I'd introduce Mattie to her I'm sure that she'd be excited to work with him."

Spencer stared at the paper, reading the words hungrily. His head was spinning. Was this… really happening? The resume… It looked very, very good.

He felt Amanda's eyes on him. "I've understood that you should get back to work soon. Savannah would make that possible. She has flexible hours, which is good seeing as your job doesn't exactly have the most regular hours." There was a long moment of silence while she gave him the chance to process everything. "Would you like to see her and find out if she's the right one for you son?"

Slowly, still dazed, Spencer looked at the woman. There wasn't a lie in her eyes. She was actually serious. This was really happening.

At that moment something Spencer hadn't felt in a long time flooded through him. Relief. He couldn't keep himself from smiling ever so slightly although he didn't dare to trust blindly. "I'd like to meet her. But I don't want to introduce her to Mattie immediately. I've already taken him away from one home and…" He swallowed thickly, tasting bile. "I can't make him lose another person."

* * *

"Derek Morgan, stop fussing around me!" Desiree growled, sounding extremely irritated and mildly amused at the same time. "I'm pregnant, not an invalid."

Derek couldn't resist a smile. It was good to see so much color on his sister's face. Her pregnancy was still considered a high risk one but now the doctors were finally pleased enough with her condition to let her leave the hospital under the observation of her mom and sister. Derek himself was still far from calm and relaxed after coming so close to losing her and the baby inside her. He made sure that Desiree was safely in her wheelchair, then gave her a kiss to the forehead. "Well, you're also my baby sister. So I'm sorry but there's no chance that I'll stop fussing around you _or_ the kiddo anytime soon."

Desiree gave him a gloomy look but her eyes gave her away. Her hand went instinctively to her swollen belly. He wondered when it got so visible without him noticing. "You're going to spoil this kid rotten, aren't you?"

He nodded without a hint of hesitation. "Of course. That's what uncles are for."

To his surprise Desiree took his hand and squeezed. There was a meaningful look in her eyes. "Thank you." She knew, to some extend, what'd happened between him and Spencer. She understood why it wasn't easy for him to get excited about all this.

Derek only nodded, feeling too choked up for words.

Fran and Sarah were busy with packing up all the gifts Desiree had gotten during her prolonged stay in the hospital. That's why Derek was the first one to notice the item that lay almost hidden under the hospital bed. It was Sarah's wallet, spread so that a lot of its contents could be seen. He picked up the item with a frown, his eyes locking to the photograph that'd been placed where most people had a picture of their spouse or kids.

It seemed to be some sort of a Christmas party because Sarah was wearing uncharacteristic holiday themed clothes. There was a bright smile on her face. His sister wasn't alone, though. Beside her stood another woman of her age with long, curly ginger hair and the sparkliest blue eyes he'd ever seen. The women had their arms wrapped tightly around each other as they stood just a little bit too close to one another. Their postures weren't what caught Derek's attention, though. It was the look on his sister's face.

That smile… Those eyes… The way she tilted her head towards the other woman…

Derek recognized that look instantly. Those were the same eyes with which he always looked at Spencer.

"Derek, please." There was a look of sheer panic on Sarah's face while the reached out a hand towards the item. "Just… Give it to me, okay?"

Derek could feel her despair. That's why he chose not to make things any harder on her. This matter would be dealt with but now wasn't the time. He handed back the wallet, wondering just what was going on with his sister.

Was there a side of her that he hadn't known?

While Sarah and Fran escorted Desiree out of the hospital Derek took care of the rest of the paperwork and swore that they'd bring Desiree back if there'd be any complications whatsoever. His head was buzzing with thoughts and he found it hard to focus on pretty much anything. That was one reason why he jumped when the elevator's doors opened before him, revealing the person inside. For the first time in what felt like ages Derek was face to face with Spencer. He swallowed thickly, unable to keep himself from staring.

Derek knew for a fact that he looked like hell with all the sleepless nights he'd had and the beard taking over all his face. But Spencer… With just one look he could tell that the younger man had lost even more weight. Spencer had always been pale but now the man's face appeared nearly transparent. Dark shadows surrounded the genius' eyes that stared at him wildly. The man was practically shaking where he stood.

"Derek…"

Derek would've given _anything_ if he would've been able to make himself move. To just dash into the elevator and kiss Spencer until all those shadows had been chased away from the man's eyes. To scream out loud that he wasn't about to just fucking give up.

But he wasn't fast enough. The elevator's doors slid closed, separating them. And as the elevator went down Derek felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

* * *

TBC

* * *

A/N: Oh boy…! (takes a deep breath) So much drama and ache. Let's hope that this story gets at least a semi happy ending. Those three would seriously deserve it.

Let me hear ya out, yeah? Was that chapter anywhere near good or just plain junk material? Ya know how to tell me. (winks and glances with somewhat pleading eyes)

There's only about three more chapters of this left. I really hope that I'll be seeing you around with the final pieces!

Take care!

* * *

**A1fictiongrl**: First of all, I'm really proud and flattered to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far. (beams) AND, I'm even more thrilled about the fact that you consider this realistic! It's something that I try to aim for wherever possible. Gosh, how I hope that you'll be as pleased with the rest!

Colossal thank yous for the review!


	9. Picking Up the Pieces

A/N: Oh, my gosh. I just realized that it won't be long until this baby is throughoutly finished. (wipes tears) Letting a beloved fic go always stings a bit. And now I'm about to finish off TWO projects! (bawls)

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) I'm calm now, I swear. So let's move along.

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for your amazing reviews! You're really adding fuel to my engine, ya know? It's thank to you this story's made it this far. So thank you! (HUUUUUGS)

So, I suppose that it's time to go, no? So let's rock. (grins) I really hope that you'll enjoy this bit of the turmoil!

* * *

Picking Up the Pieces

* * *

_July 20th, 2013_

* * *

It'd taken Spencer several days before he'd managed to gather enough courage to call Savannah Raymar. It eased his worries ever so slightly to hear that she sounded genuinely excited to meet Matthew. They agreed on a date. And that's how the waiting game began.

It was raining as Spencer sat in a coffee house, fidgeting nervously every once in a while. What made things even more nerve wrecking was that he'd had no other choice but to take Matthew with him because the team was working on a case. His son meeting Savannah immediately was _not_ something he'd wanted. His mind was quick to flood over with worries, fears and horror images. At the moment the child was happily occupied by his book, but what'd happen when…?

He was just about to leave when something nailed him to the spot. The woman approaching him was a lot shorter than he'd expected. He'd known that she was twenty-five but somehow her glass covered, warm hazel eyes made her seem even younger. Her shoulder length blond hair bounced as she made her way towards him. A smile lit up her face as soon as she saw Matthew. "Hi. You must be Dr. Reid." Her accent gave away that she must've spent a lot of time out of the country. He couldn't tell exactly where. She nodded towards Matthew, her eyes genuinely pleased and curious. "So this is Mattie?"

Spencer nodded, something making his painfully tense muscles relax slightly. "Yeah." He cleared his throat, wondering how he was supposed to continue. "I've… read your resume. For someone of your age you seem to have a surprisingly extensive experience on autistic children."

Savannah nodded, glancing briefly towards Matthew as though she'd been keeping an eye on him already. "I started as a volunteer worker when I was still practically a kid myself. It's all thanks to my cousin." Seeing his frown she explained. "He's autistic. His parents died in a car accident when I was eight. He's lived with my parents since." She focused on Matthew once more. "He looks a little bit like Mattie, actually. Or maybe they just have this same spirit around them."

Spencer nodded with a slight smile. "I know what you mean."

Suddenly Savannah was a lot more solemn. Her entire focus was on him. "Look… I know that you've had a traumatic experience with Mattie's school. I'm sure that it still affects you both. I understand that you're wary."

It was Spencer's turn to focus on Matthew. The child was still staring at the book but it was easy to tell that his mind was entirely elsewhere. "_That_… should've _never_ happened." He swallowed but the bitter taste wouldn't go anywhere. "I'd never forgive myself if something like that happened to him again."

"Have you talked about it to anyone?"

Spencer nodded slowly, uncomfortable with revealing all this to a total stranger. "Mattie's been to a specialist. The doctor forced me to see one as well."

"It's only a good thing that you've sought for help." She smiled. "I can tell that Mattie knows you've done everything possible for him. He trusts you enough to let you into his own private space."

Spencer blinked once and looked. He hadn't even realized that there was less than half an inch between them – and Matthew didn't seem to care. The change had happened so slowly and subtly that he hadn't even noticed.

Spencer opened his mouth for a question but before it could ever be voiced Savannah sneezed loudly. She gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry. Summer is tricky for a allergic person."

Before Spencer got the chance to react Matthew stunned them both with doing so. Never once lifting his eyes from the book the child pushed a couple of napkins on the table towards Savannah, then retreated back into his own little world.

Savannah blinked twice and smiled. "Well thank you. Aren't you a tiny gentleman."

Yes, Matthew didn't react to her in any way whatsoever anymore, but Spencer _had_ seen it. That tiny change on his son's posture that only a parent could possibly detect on their child. Acceptance, shown in the only way the child could.

Maybe this could work out, after all.

It must've been at least a minute until Savannah cut the silence. "You know… This is the strangest job interview I've even been in."

At that moment Spencer did something he hadn't done in a long time. Something that his body ached for. He laughed.

* * *

Much later that evening, only half an hour after coming back home from a case, Derek stood behind the door of one of his apartments. Sarah's eyes widened ever so slightly for a while as she opened. He didn't miss the fidget of discomfort. "I didn't expect you to be back already." She cleared her throat. "Momma's out shopping groceries and Desi's sleeping…"

He shook his head, his jawline hardening. "I came to see you. Can I come in?"

Another fidget. She moved out of the way slowly. "Well, this is your apartment."

He spoke again as soon as the door had been closed. "Look… I've been meaning to talk to you for a while, since the hospital. About that picture."

The last time he saw that much pain on his sister's face was when their father died. It hurt him as well, no matter how complicated things between them were. "There's nothing to talk about." Her voice quivered, as did her lower lip. "It's nothing but a past mistake."

Derek's eyebrow bounced up. By then they were in the living room. "People don't usually keep reminders of a mistake in their wallet, Sarah."

She slumped to the couch, casting a desperate, trapped look towards him. "Derek, please! I… I can't talk about it, okay? Just forget about it."

His eyes narrowed. "You've been going on and on about how I should leave the one person I've ever been truly in love with. You've always supported me, stood by me, and now this! I'm a profiler _and_ your brother – I can tell that your behavior has something to do with this. So spill, or I'll have momma fish it out of you."

Sarah looked away, visibly ashamed of herself, and folded her arms. It took a very long time before the whispered words came. "Her name… Her name's Isabella. We've worked together for years, but… A couple of years ago things changed. Feelings changed."

Derek could easily recall the change in his sister at the time. He nodded, mostly to himself. "You fell in love with her. There's nothing wrong with that."

Sarah nodded, burying her face into her hands. This time it took even longer before the story continued. "We started… dating, I guess. We never really labelled whatever it was going on between us. All I know is that I enjoyed it a lot while it lasted." She sighed, suddenly appearing old beyond her years. "And then… Then I saw a picture of her eight years old daughter. Of her daughter who has Down syndrome."

A jolt crossed Derek's body. He could relate to the feelings that must've overcome her then very well. To the shock, confusion, insecurity, anger.

Sarah wiped her eyes. It wasn't until then Derek realized that she was crying. "I… I was so angry at first. I felt like she'd betrayed me, led me on from the beginning. But then… Then I met Lauren." She took a deep, shuddering breath. "I… wish that I could say that we got along well, but… We didn't. Lauren was her daddy's girl who couldn't process why her mommy and daddy weren't together anymore. I was a convenient person for her to blame. She wasn't vicious or mean, of course. Just… Just a child acting up. But…" The tears were flowing even harder. "As it went on and on I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't a part of that family, never would be. That much became clear. And the stress I was putting on both Lauren and Isabella was too much. So I left. I even quit my job to get away from it all." Finally Sarah appeared at least somewhat composed. "That's… That's why I'm in no hurry to go back. I've got nothing to go back to."

They'd had a lot of arguments. Some of the things Sarah had said… They were almost unforgivable, even if they came from a family member. But as Derek looked at his sister now he couldn't control his instincts.

Sarah shivered slightly when he pulled her into a hug. As soon as she got over the first shock she clung to him as though he'd been her soul lifeline, wailing loudly while all the pain she'd been bottling up inside came flooding out. In a matter of moments she fell apart completely, right there in his hold.

Derek didn't have the slightest idea of how long it took until she managed to talk, barely audibly but still. "That's… That's why I got scared when I found out about Matthew – I've been there, in your shoes. I can't let you go through that same pain I felt. Because… Because you deserve so much more. You deserve to be happy, okay?"

Derek swallowed thickly, his own eyes stinging. The longing that'd never, ever faded away exploded in his chest as flashes flew through his mind. "What if I'm only happy with them?" He pushed her just a little bit further so that they could look at each other. "I only just met Mattie, but… I want to be a part of his life. His world."

Sarah frowned, a scared look in her eyes. "You may never become a part of that family, Derek. Especially when Spencer's pushing you away like this."

Derek nodded, feeling just as terrified as she looked. His hands trembled ever so slightly. "Well, that's the chance I've gotta take. Because… I can't live my life without knowing if it could've been."

Sarah sighed, rubbing her face with one hand. She appeared uneasy but at least not a horrified as she'd been a while ago. "It's not the life you've been dreaming of", she pointed out, her inner turmoil clearly still eating her up.

Even to his own surprise Derek gave a tiny, slightly sad smile. "Then maybe it's time to stop dreaming and wake up to reality. Because reality is hell a lot better."

* * *

_July 24th, 2013_

* * *

After several days of sunshine it was once again raining that day. For some odd reason JJ appeared to Spencer's doorway when it was around noon, announcing that since the team just came back home from a case she wanted to spend a couple of hours with her godson. She urged him spend that time in fresh air, no matter the weather – according to her he looked like he hadn't seen the light of day in weeks. It was most likely true.

Spencer's whirring thoughts took the lead as he walked around, barely even noticing where he was going. That summer's roller coaster spun over and over again in his head, making it hurt slightly. He could only wonder how it'd all come down.

All of a sudden Spencer froze, his eyes widening under the realization of where he'd ended up. It was a park. The exact same one where Derek had followed him after a particularly hard case. They hadn't said much. Somehow it'd felt like the other being there was everything they needed. In the end Derek stunned them both with leaning closer and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

It was on that day Spencer finally realized that he was in love.

Dazed, tired and slightly out of breath Spencer walked on, found himself slumping to the same bench he occupied on that magical day. He didn't even notice the chilling rain washing over him. His heart was hammering with such speed that it _hurt_.

Wasn't he too young for a heart attack?

Suddenly Spencer emitted a quite embarrassing yelp when an umbrella appeared to shield him from the rain. There was a low chuckle. "Are you trying to catch your death or something?"

Slowly, wondering if he was dreaming, Spencer turned his head just enough to see the person stood directly behind him. Derek looked tired and slightly pained but still so familiar that it made his heart beat faster. Even the man's scent was that same one he remembered very well.

There were a million things swirling on Spencer's tongue. Out of those all he spat out the most likely worst option. "What… are you doing here?"

Derek smiled fondly, clearly finding his trouble with words endearing. "Probably the same thing as you." Then, without waiting for a further invitation, the man sat down right next to him, careful to keep the umbrella on them both at all times.

The silence hung heavily on them, loaded with all the things that should've been said. Spencer knew that he'd have to be the one to make the first move. That's why he forced his tongue to work. "Mattie… He misses you. He keeps drawing pictures where all three of us are together." He swallowed thickly, his hand twitching with desire to move closer. "I… miss you, too."

Derek sighed. "I shouldn't have let you push me away. Not when I could see how much you needed me."

Spencer shook his head. It was time to be honest, so that was what he would be. "I wouldn't have let you help me even if you'd stayed. I could've never been in a fair, honest relationship in the state of mind I was in." He swallowed. "At least that's what my therapist keeps telling me."

Derek's eyes widened with shock. "You're… seeing a shrink?"

Spencer nodded, hoping that the other man would leave the matter there. He still wasn't sure what to make of it. Needing professional help wasn't a simple matter for him.

Silence lingered between them as they tried to process the situation they were in. They both had fears. Insecurities. Demons of the past. And wherever they'd choose to go with things they had to consider Matthew's wellbeing. That was hell a lot package on one relationship.

In the end it was Derek who opened the conversation. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And… I think I know where we went wrong, the last time. We tried to take it too fast – for all of us three." There was some bitter irony in that simple truth. In the beginning of their relationship they'd taken things so slowly that they'd almost made it nowhere. Perhaps that's what scared them into moving far too quickly when everything changed. "This whole… becoming a family thing came way too fast. I don't think that either one of us was really prepared for it." A hand crept towards his but didn't touch. "In my opinion we'd deserve a second shot. If you're up to it."

Spencer took a deep breath before his lips opened again. He didn't manage to get enough air into his lungs, which made the words quiet and feeble. Technically this was their _third_ shot – they already had a trial separation once upon a time. What if things wouldn't work out this time, either? What if…? "Statistically…"

Usually Derek silenced his oncoming ramble with a kiss. This time the man chose to do something very different. The hand that'd been creeping towards his was suddenly holding on very tightly, desperately. It was far more than just an offer.

Spencer had denied himself from what he wanted the most for so long. His whole body _hurt_ with need. He couldn't hold it back any longer. Before he realized what was happening his fingers had laced through Derek, fitting perfectly. The rain didn't stop but neither noticed.

Didn't the saying go 'third time's the charm'?

Spencer's analytical head was curious to find out if the saying was true.

* * *

TBC, for a lil' bit

* * *

A/N: There's still quite a bit ahead of them. BUT, at least it looks like there's finally hope. Yay? And Mattie's got a nanny. Hopefully that takes some burden from Reid's shoulders.

Awkay… Unfortunately the clocks knows no mercy. (groans) BUT, before I go off and away… **PLEASE**, leave a note! Let me know that you're out there. It's a great way to earn some good karma… (winks)

There may be only an epilogue of this left, one chapter plus an epilogue at most. I want to finish this before I end up dragging the story but my mind's still arguing over some details. Either way, this'll be over VERY soon. (sobs once) It'll be a sad day when I let this go.

Until next time, folks! I really hope that I'll be seeing ya then.

Take care!

* * *

**Bomih Suju**: It REALLY warms my heart to hear that, you know? (beams) I really hope that the rest won't end up being a disappointment, either.

Colossal thank yous for the review!


	10. Epilogue

A/N: I thought about it long and hard. But as I went through this story I came to a decision that somehow it feels like this particular baby wants to end here. I'd love to keep writing but I feel that if I'd add any more length I'd be stretching this thin, so… (sighs)

BUT, before letting you get to the conclusion… THANK YOU, with all there is in me, for that load of reviews you've delivered! (GLOMPS) I still can't believe that so many of you have enjoyed something that I've written. So thank you!

Awkay… It's go time, no? (takes a deep breath) I really, really hope that this final bit won't end up being a disappointment.

* * *

Epilogue

* * *

_August 13th, 2013_

* * *

Anyone daring to try and stop him would've been trampled as a man burst through the hallways of a hospital. He didn't pay the slightest bit of attention to the bizarre looks members of staff gave him, nor did he hear the voices trying to stop him. His heart hammered somewhere very close to his throat and his blood rushed with a speed that couldn't possibly be healthy.

_Please, please, please…!_

It seemed to take for ages before he finally reached his destination. As soon as he did he heard a familiar voice that made his raging heart jump with relief. " _… perfectly fine. Just stitch me up, okay? I want to get this case wrapped up and go home._"

At that moment the thunder of terror transformed into such rage that made the man's skin crawl. His eyes narrowed before he finally revealed himself and roared out. "Derek Anthony Morgan, you just had your head rammed to a wall of bricks! There's no way in hell you'll be leaving this hospital tonight!"

Both the young intern with long, brown hair and huge blue eyes tending to Derek and the older agent gawked at him. "What… are you doing in Alabama?" his partner managed to sputter in the end. If it wasn't for the still oozing wound on the side of the man's head the utter bafflement might've been amusing.

Spencer's breathing pattern changed while rage kept bubbling still. A much too familiar stinging sensation made itself known in his eyes. It was only a matter of time before… "Where else am I supposed to be when Hotch calls me and announces that you've been injured and at the moment on your way to a hospital, unconscious?"

Derek winced. "I was hoping that he wouldn't call you."

Seeing the dangerous flash in Spencer's eyes the woman swallowed, getting up so fast that she swayed. "I'll… give you two a couple of moments alone." With that she fled the scene as fast as she possibly could.

Spence barely noticed, nor did he realize that the tears were running as he went on with his rant. "What the hell were you thinking, going after the UnSub all alone?! He could've…!"

Derek lifted both hands, blinking rapidly to clear his head. "Hey, Spence, slow down, okay? Slow down. What about Mattie?"

"He's with Savannah. Do not interrupt me when I'm upset with you!" His voice broke and he had to swallow a couple of times. "He… He could've killed you, do you understand that? If JJ hadn't appeared when she did he would've! I… I could've…!" And at that the words faded away completely. Tears kept rolling while he gasped, not managing to pull in even a single proper breath.

Derek had most likely been told to stay in the bed. But nonetheless the man was right there, his arms wrapped tightly around him. One hand rubbed soothing circles to his back while the other caressed his hair. "Shhh, pretty boy… Everything's okay. I'm fine."

Once again Spencer saw red. He squeezed his partner harder than would've been necessarily healthy and felt a twinge of guilt when the man hissed in pain. "You're in a hospital with a serious head injury!"

He could actually hear Derek's smirk. "Baby, I don't think that a mild concussion can be classified as a serious head injury." The man sighed, pulling him closer. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

Spencer sobbed once, finally starting to calm down although fear was still swirling inside him. "Good." He then frowned, his chaotic thoughts finding something new to focus on. "Where… are the others?"

"At the station, wrapping up the case. I told them that I don't need a group of babysitters."

Spencer rolled his eyes. "You don't. You need a collar and a leash." His breath shuddered while he buried his face into his loved one's chest. "I… I really thought that I'd lose you, for a moment."

Derek sighed, kissing his head. "Baby, I already told you that I'm…"

"Let me finish!" he snapped with a nearly childish tone, wiping his eyes. "I… I thought that I'd lose you, and I… I started to think about all those things that we'd never get." He swallowed, his head still speeding a million miles per hour. "When you come back home… I think that you should pack up Clooney and your stuff and move your things to my apartment."

For a couple of seconds it was quiet. Too quiet. Then Derek chuckled. "So it took me getting a concussion to make you realize that you're finally ready to move in with me?"

"Shut up", Spencer muttered through a teary chuckle. He closed his eyes and inhaled Derek's familiar scent. The man's hold on him was so comforting that he melted into it, no matter how upset he still was. "I'm so glad that I'll be getting back to work next week. Clearly you need someone to watch over you at all times to keep you from getting yourself killed."

Derek snorted. "I love you too, Spence."

* * *

_December 22nd, 2013_

* * *

When Spencer and Derek promised to spend the Christmas with Derek's family they knew better than well that it wouldn't be entirely easy. Things with Sarah were still tense and awkward although she'd no longer made effort to try and break up the two of them. They knew that it'd take a long time before there'd be even a shred of trust between Spencer and Sarah. But Fran was excited to see Matthew again and they were both eager to spend time with Desiree's tiny miracle. And so the family of three packed their bags and headed to Chicago.

In the rental car they'd gotten from the airport Derek could just feel how tense Spencer was. He wondered if Matthew, who seemed to be focused on his sketch book, sensed it as well. In the end he took his partner's hand and squeezed tightly. "Whatever she says or does… We're a family, now. Don't ever forget that."

Spencer looked at him with extremely serious eyes and nodded. "I won't."

The tension, however, didn't ease the slightest when they parked outside Fran Morgan's house to see that Sarah was already there waiting from them, a nervous look on her face. The men glanced at one another and made a silent agreement to talk to her before coaxing Matthew out of the vehicle. No distance of five steps had ever felt as long as the journey they made to the woman.

Derek heard Sarah swallow before she spoke quietly. "I'm… really glad that the two of you came." She looked at Derek. "I've missed you."

Derek sighed. "Sarah…"

She shook her head as a sign that she wasn't finished. This time she focused on Spencer. "Treat him right, do you understand? Give him all the love that he deserves."

Spencer nodded extremely seriously. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes. "I will."

Sarah nodded, obviously believing. "Good." A second or so later she took out a small gift, handing it towards the genius. "I… felt like I should give you this."

Appearing wary Spencer opened the gift slowly. What he found made his eyes first widen, then water slightly. The gift was a picture that'd been taken when the Morgan women visited them in the summer. It was all of them, Matthew included, sitting on a couch, pressed close to each other to fit into the picture. A family.

Spencer looked at Sarah with genuine happiness in his eyes. "Thank you."

To both their surprise Sarah smiled. "Merry Christmas, Spencer."

There was no knowing what would've been said or done next for just then Desiree rushed out of the house. There was a tiny, warmly wrapped baby in her arms and a huge smile on her face. "You have no idea of how much I've missed you!" she exclaimed, giving both men as tight of a hug as she could with the baby in her hold. She then focused on her child. As she inched the blanket they were able to see a extremely beautiful baby girl who looked at them with huge dark eyes. "Monica missed her favorite uncles, too."

During the holidays they took an album full of pictures. Smiling faces. Soft touches. Slowly mending wounds. Matthew sitting underneath the Christmas tree for about ten seconds before his experiment managed to make it crash to the floor. Matthew, Spencer and Derek all firmly focused on a puzzle, sitting far closer to each other than the child should've felt comfortable with. Derek and Spencer having fallen asleep side by side on the living room's floor, with Matthew not too far away. Derek carrying a wide eyed Spencer up the stairs, with the genius' lips open for a flood of protests. And finally all of them together, with no worries or shadows in their eyes.

The expanded family had a long road ahead of them. But perhaps, just perhaps, there was hope.

* * *

_July 24th, 2014_

* * *

In the team's familiar jet Derek woke up without any immediately evident reason and frowned, not wanting to open his eyes right away. Someone was snoring. Two voices were talking – Aaron and Alex Blake, he suspected. And then he caught the soft sounds.

Opening his eyes slowly he discovered Spencer who was practically leaning against him. The genius was completely mesmerized by his cell phone and smiling widely.

Derek's eyebrow bounced up. "I really hope that you're not just reading a text from some other guy." He wished that he would've sounded more playful than he did. Cursed jealousy.

Spencer shivered slightly with surprise but the smile didn't falter. The man leaned closer still. "Savannah just sent some footage", the genius explained. "Take a look."

His heart jumping slightly with eagerness Derek leaned closer. In an instant he found out just where the look on Spencer's face came from. He was having a similar.

Spencer's cell phone's screen was tiny and the footage wasn't exactly top quality but he could still distinguish what was happening. With a great deal of concentration Matthew was putting together the 1000 pieces puzzle Derek got him for last Christmas. That wasn't what his attention locked on, though. It was the picture that lay right beside the child. It represented the boy, Spencer, Derek and even Clooney, all of them gathered close to each other.

"I can't believe this…", he whispered, baffled, touched and a little bit choked up.

Spencer smiled but the man's eyes seemed thoughtful. "You've been in his drawings for a really long time now, Derek. And every evening he won't go to sleep without hearing your voice, even if during our cases it's only through the phone." The genius frowned. "Are you… crying?"

Derek wiped his eyes, only to discover that his beloved's prognosis was the correct one. _Oh, great…_ "I just… He's really grown on me, you know? It feels good to know that I mean so much to him in return." His eyes narrowed although the tears in them ate away the desired effect. "If you tell Rossi about this you'll spend a month on a couch."

"My lips are sealed." Spencer swallowed, appearing very nervous all of a sudden. Almost terrified. "I'm… glad to hear that you're happy about this, because… Well, I've been waiting for the right time, and it's our one year anniversary…" Out of words, the genius reached out towards his satchel. The man's hands shook while he pulled out something. Very official documents.

Derek frowned, his stomach knotting all of a sudden. "What is this all about?" When Spencer didn't answer he decided to find out. What he read from the documents made his eyes widen and his heart hammer madly.

Adoption documents.

"It's not easy and it's only going to get harder as Mattie grows up. But… We're a family, Derek." He'd never seen the kind of a look on Spencer's face that he did then. No matter how many times he'd seen his lover naked the man had _never_ been that exposed. "I… I want to make it official."

There was no way Derek could've spoken a word without breaking down into tears. That's why he chose to take action. He leaned forward, crashing his lips firmly against Spencer and holding on with all there was in him. With that one kiss he shed out absolutely everything there was in his body and soul.

In the end he leaned as close to his partner's ear as he could.

Spencer responded with giving his hand a firm squeeze. Derek was almost sure that he smelled tears. It felt good to know that they were those of happiness. Only the fact that the team was present kept him from claiming Spencer right there and then.

And so they continued the journey towards home, back to their son.

Towards a distant unknown that didn't feel so horrifying anymore.

* * *

Quite far away a undeniably beautiful woman with long, red dyed hair opened her TV to discover a familiar face on a press conference that'd taken place earlier that day. She paid barely any attention to the announcement that the BAU-team had just helped capture a serial killer who'd brutally butchered ten children. Nor did she notice the teary face of the mother who managed to get her son back. All she saw was Dr. Spencer Reid.

He looked healthy. Far too thin, but healthy. Peaceful, almost. Happy.

Lila Archer smiled, even though there was a touch of melancholy in her eyes.

Arms wrapped around her from behind, making her shiver with startle and pleasure. "'Having regrets?" a deep, sensual voice inquired.

Lila shook her head, the smile remaining. And she meant it. "We would've only made each other miserable. We wouldn't have loved each other the way we were supposed to." She sighed, leaning towards the man behind her. "I just… Whenever I look at him I miss Mattie a thousand times more than I usually do." She didn't even try to hide her sadness. She'd lost track on how many times she'd almost called Spencer, revealed that she was no longer an actress, that she led a perfectly normal life. The change of career had felt like waking up from a nightmare. If only she'd had the chance to see her son even once but she'd given up on that privilege a long time ago.

He kissed her hair and caressed her although he must've known that no amount of gentle touches would take away the pain of a mother who couldn't be with her child. "You did this for Mattie. To make sure that he won't have confusion and chaos in his life. Never forget that. They're taking a good care of him."

Lila nodded slowly. Her eyes strayed towards the way Derek remained as close to Spencer as possible, to the matching rings. "They make a good family."

"Yeah, they do." A hand caressed her belly. The slightest bulge could just be seen. "And we will, too." There was a gentle kiss. "Now let's go. We're already late."

Lila turned off the TV and followed the man, convincing herself into not looking backwards. Matthew was happy, she felt that with every fibre of her being. He'd have a good life. For now that was enough, no matter how her heart was breaking.

And one day she'd tell the tiny being inside her stories of the amazing big brother Mattie who'd saved his mom from a life of unhappiness and two men from the shadows hiding in their eyes.

* * *

**_End._**

* * *

A/N: I can't understand why but I feel close to tears right now. (sighs) You can't even imagine how much I've loved writing this story. And now it's come to an end.

Awkay, before  
I start babbling any further, please let me hear your input! Was this story any good, at all? Now's your chance to speak out your minds. (glances hopefully)

THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart and soul, for believing in this story and staying on board through the entire roller coaster! You guys are really precious to me, ya know? (HUGS) So thank you!

I'm afraid that it's time to go now but I hope that I'll see you with other projects. (gives puppy's eyes) For now, adios and take care!

'Luv ya!

* * *

**Guest**: It seriously means a lot to hear that, you know? And it makes me feel almost childishly proud, too. (chuckles and hugs) I really hope that the final bit won't please you any less!

Colossal thank yous for the review!

* * *

**Bomih Suju**: Don't worry, I understood you just fine! (nods and hugs) I'm thrilled to hear that you've enjoyed the story thus far. Here's hoping that the final bit manages to hit home as well.

Monumental thank yous for the review!


End file.
